Can’t I just stay in bed?!

It is Tuesday.. Back to the real world. Back to work, back to school (for the kids), back to stress.. Not work, oh no, my work isn’t at all stressful for me. Just life.. It’s like, I actually have to face life. My coworkers with their sad eyes, pitying me… God! Why can’t I ever be normal? I pick men, to love, that are selfish, they don’t love me, and can leave me at the drop of a hat. It must be me. There is something fundamentally wrong with me. I am not worthy of the love of a man. Everyone is placed on this earth for a reason. My reason is to suffer. My husband enjoys my pain. He takes pleasure in my suffering. If it makes him happy, right? But now he is done, and he tossed me out like an old shoe. I have to stop crying, and just get on with it. But I can’t stop crying. And I know there are bigger problems in the world than my pitiful love life. Like, my childhood best friend’s mom died. I haven’t said a word of condolence to him. Or my 23 year old cousin drowned. And his mom has to be the strongest woman I know… But I am here crying over the loss of my husband. Pathetic. But such a huge blow to my self-esteem. I feel useless as a person. I feel sad and alone. I am hurt. Pathetic.

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