Letting go…

Today, I am sad to report, that I have decided to let go. I am torturing, and hurting myself by trying to hang onto a man that clearly doesn’t want me. I am terrified. Terrified that I will never find love again, terrified that I will be alone ’til the day I die. However, I can no longer deal with the pain of constant rejection. My heart hurts so bad. I can’t take it anymore.. I am in so much pain. Everyone’s telling me to move on, I’ll find someone better. But, I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to find anyone better. I think that I am a lost cause. I don’t know what is so wrong with me – or what makes me so unloveable.. And that hurts the worst! The only two men of my life tell me that they care about me, tell me that I’m loveable… Then why can’t they stand to be with me? Why don’t they love me? I gave so much of my life – my love – my heart away.. I fear that I have nothing left inside of me. I feel stupid for even worrying about being alone.. I can be alone! Maybe then I can work on ME.. I can learn to love ME… I am scared of failing. What if I can’t adequately care for my kids? What if I can’t afford to be on my own? But women do it all the time… Don’t they? They find a way to make ends meet. They find a way to survive. I feel like a damn idiot. People are dying everyday and I can’t stop crying over the fact that my hubby no longer loves me. I love him. I love him so stinking much. 

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