I have to wonder…

What is it about humans, that we feel the need to be with someone? Why do we feel the need to have a relationship? Why must there be someone there? Why can’t we just be ALONE? There are dating sites, chat sites- all these sites, to help us not FEEL so alone, if only for a moment. Why are we designed to BE with someone? Yet, when we have that, we yearn to be “free”? Once that freedom is attained, we search for captivity again. Why? How can we be lonely, and searching? Filling the void with expensive items, chatting with perfect strangers, meeting random strangers for a date that amounts to nothing more than 7 minutes of bad sex… Is this all that there is to life? What a dull existence outside of marriage. I have married twice. I have been so in love, I have WANTED freedom. But then, I have craved that intimacy. I do not want to meet a perfect stranger, and lose a piece of myself to 7 minutes of bad sex, and a man who won’t call me. I think I will be a celibate. I don’t think I can give anymore of myself. And, you know, if my husband came back to me, I would welcome him with open arms, and jump through the impossible hoops he wants me to jump through, in order to avoid the feeling of emptiness. The fear of meeting someone new. I don’t want “Just Sex.” I want a connection, security, intimacy. I want so much more than what these dating/chat sites have to give. I am a person. I want to treated as such. I want to be loved, valued, and connected. I want the connection to be much deeper than the physical/sexual realm. Intimacy. I think it’s what we all crave- what we are all looking for. So, how does it so often get confused with sex? Sex is not the intimacy we crave. Because sex with someone you won’t even see in the morning leaves you empty, and ten times lonelier than before. Sex with the person that you share all of your tomorrows with- well, the thought takes my breath away! 

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