What did I do?

The past 36 days have been hell on me. I have cried countless tears. I have lost weight, because I had no appetite to sustain me. I have questioned “what have I done to cause this?” “What can I do to fix this?” And, last night, it occurred to me… I didn’t do a damn thing wrong! I sustained his abuse for two years! He CHEATS on me, LEAVES me, yet I apologize to him (for what?), BEG him to love me and come home to me, take me back! Why?! How on earth could I be so dumb?! I DID NOTHING WRONG! NOTHING! I was faithful. I hit him back ONCE! And that made me the abuser. I know that I shouldn’t have hit him back.. But he kicked me in the face.. In front of my kids! That was more than I could bear.. At the moment anyway. I deeply regret it now.. It isn’t who I am.. I am not a good person with him. I am happier without him. I am not so afraid of being alone. I get to focus on me… (All things everyone has been telling me – I just wasn’t hearing it!) Still… It’s all good! Life is good, and I have peace in knowing that I did NOTHING wrong.. So, “what did I do?” NOTHING! What will I do? Whatever I damn well please! Hahaha!!!

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