One of the greatest things that I hate about being a human are FEELINGS. One of the greatest things that I hate about being a Cancer is how deeply I FEEL my feelings. Not to mention, I wake up each morning with the worst anxiety… I don’t even know why.. But I just want to sleep past 6am!!

So, yesterday, my dad sends me a series of text messages, asking if I am okay, wanting to know the latest of what is going on… I answer his questions… He asks me what I want. I admit that I am conflicted, and he ends the conversation with “Pray very hard before taking your next step.” Yeah, yeah, pray… (I can’t!)

Then, yesterday, at 11:02am, Brian text messages me on my text now account: “How am I spose to flirt with you if you change your number?” I don’t respond. Then at 11:27am he sends: “Come put on some cat ears and play hard to get over here 😠” I will admit it cracked me up. I laughed pretty hard. I tried my hardest to forget that he sent a message. Then at 3:04pm he got the better of me and I responded, “Uhm, cat ears?” To which he replied, “Well yea,” almost immediately.  At 3:42pm I say: “I think you have the wrong number. I’m not a furry” He replied immediately: “LOL” “😉” “Sometimes you make me smile”

And that was the end of our banter. Oh! Except at 5:34pm he asked to borrow some butter because “I took his”.. By then I was over his stupid shenanigans, and games. If only it didn’t have to be stupid games and shenanigans. If only he loved me… Then my feelings wouldn’t be uselessly scattered. I am spread so thin I will tear in an instant!! At least that’s how I feel… I don’t want to love him anymore, but I do! And I don’t want to get my hopes up anymore, because I know that we are over… But, I love him… Can’t help it… I wish we could make it through…

Today makes 51 days…

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