Remember when…

I can remember when dating was so simple, and easy, and full of nervousness, and jitters, and butterflies… When holding hands, and gentle kisses on the lips were the highlight of courtship! Now every hairy-dicked Tom wants to ask for a damn naughty picture of you, or better yet: “Have you ever been with a girl?” “Would you?” “What about a threesome?” Like seriously dude?” What the hell makes you think you are so damn special to DESERVE a naughty picture of me, for one. And TWO: WHY on God’s green earth would I want to be a man that wants to be with me plus one?? I mean come on men! Are you seriously that fucking stupid? Like, is the world that freaking corrupt? I want ONE man to love ME just the way that I am. Don’t ask me to send you nude pictures. Don’t ask me to look at your nude pictures. Don’t try to gauge how much of a freak I really am… IF you are lucky enough to be MY man for the rest of our lives, then, and ONLY then, will you find out! Then, and ONLY then, will you get all the nudey pics that your tired little eyes can handle! Then will you find out what I do, and don’t like in between the sheets. Then I will share my fantasies. AND WE WILL NEVER HAVE A THREESOME! It’s like, you ALMOST had me… Then you went there… Way to ruin it dude! Is it too much to ask for a man to be all about ME? Sheesh! I mean, all about God and me… But, in this day and age, no one cares about that… I want to be with ONE man, and grow old with ONE man. Too much to ask?? I mean, there HAS to be someone out there for me… Maybe not… Two failed marriages… I should take it as a sign…

I did some reading on celibacy this morning… I need a pet… Not a bird… An affectionate pet, haha… For celibacy to work… As in, no more masturbation either…  I think I am going to do it… I think I can curb the sexual desire okay… Just the loneliness… And, oh I’m so damn lonely! My toughest battle, honestly, is just that whole abandoned feeling… Brian abandoned me! He left me, threw me out of our home. Like I was nothing more than… I don’t even know… The pets received more affection, attention, and love than I ever did from him. That’s what hurts the most. The fact that I gave him my all, and he turned around and did this. Everyone has excuses for it. “That’s life.” “These things happen.” Yeah, I got it. And, you all sit up on your pretty high horses until something knocks you off. I remember my horse. It was pretty high… That’s probably why I still don’t think I’ve quite settled on the ground yet. Sure, I’ve HIT the ground a few times! I was so high, I am still bouncing! It has been nearly 3 months! Such is life, eh? No stress… It will all work out in the end… I has a tad bit-o-faith…

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