Peace, peace, wonderful peace…

Yesterday was beyond hard. But, today I woke up, and I felt peace again. And dare I say it, HOPE. Peace sneaks up on you. You don’t even realize it’s there. I didn’t. But I was laying in bed, expecting the anger, the tears, the overwhelming depression to consume me… And it didn’t. It still hasn’t and I have been awake for almost 3 hours! No tears. I’m still a bit sad. But, I am also HOPEFUL! Can you believe it? Did God hear my cry last night? Was Pastor Miller right? Was I finally sincere? Did I finally pray the right thing? I didn’t pray for Brian back, or the pray the pain away… I prayed for God to take my double-mindedness away. I prayed for Him to give me understanding of others, so I don’t keep making the same mistakes.. Did I pray for peace? I can’t recall. I can’t even recall exactly my prayer last night, in the shower, but I know that in my heart I was broken. In my heart, I was in desperate need of a Savior. He heard my cry? Even if this peace doesn’t last, I will revel in this peace for the duration. It feels like an eternity since I last felt it. I will put everything else behind me. Brian, Chris… They are behind me. Nothing will change them. Nothing will change the way things are. If God wanted to change things, He would have. He hasn’t. My focus needs solely be on my children, myself, and our salvations. We only have one chance to make it to heaven. Can’t screw it up. Besides, being single isn’t the worse thing in life. Many people do it, and have done it. I will survive! Get my priorities right. Focus on the kids. Like dad said: Being a single parent, you get to know your kids in a way that you otherwise wouldn’t while coparenting. So… Here we go! A new adventure awaits me plus three!!!

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