Like I’ve Never Been Hurt

I’ve been thinking… I have had this guard – this wall, if you will – up… But it isn’t right… It goes against everything that I believe, everything that I stand for, everything that I have written about since the inception of my blog… (Everything since the inception of my romantic mind!) I will truly love him like I’ve never been hurt. Yes, he did me wrong, I did him wrong too. Haven’t I made the decision to take him back? He made the decision to take me back too. Am I the one who faltered? I dated other men. We weren’t even divorced yet! Yet, he will take me back?? My life moved on without him. He says his stood still. He stopped taking care of himself. I improved upon myself… It’s backwards, right? Usually the woman sits at home eating bonbons, and chocolate, and ice cream, while the dude gets all sexy, dating hotties, and such… He didn’t? I did? Well, not “hotties” per se… Still, I won’t dwell on that. I won’t dwell on the past. I will dwell on the here, the now, the future. We will look to the future. What did Trey pen? “The future is promising, but tomorrow is never promised.” Still… I will love. I love the heck out of him. I won’t give up. We have pushed it so far… I can’t keep pondering “What if…”

Poor kids… They are all manner of confused… I am too, I am not able to give them clear direction I’m afraid… Other than, “we forgive, we forget, we move on.” “We hope for the best.” Am I teaching them right? Their fears are real and true, and justified. I don’t want to discount them. Heck, I feel them too… I can’t screw this up! Am I selfish? How do I choose? How do I do what’s right for all involved? Am I worried? After last time, especially?? Heck yeah!!! *Sigh* What/ who comes first??? My kids, me, our happiness… Has to come first…

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