An elder mother in the church asked me, this past Sunday morning, at church, “What message did the Lord give you today?” I was taken a-back. Quick, get out of this one- but how?! But wait! I prayed this morning! Something came to mind… Was it from the Lord? I shared with her what I had shared with Brian on our way to get the kids. From Brian I got <crickets>.. From that elder mother, the praises went up! Sometimes, it’s in who you tell… Sometimes, God doesn’t intend you to share things with certain people. After I shared my word with her, she thanked me, and told me that she was going through the same thing – had been for 37 years. How sad? Uplifting? Confirming? I am not alone. I AM NOT ALONE. He saw my need and heard my cry. There is someone, so close whom understands.
You want to hear my word? Well, let me back-track a bit… Last Sunday, Pastor did something he does not typically do.. He laid hands and even prophesied over everyone that so wished. When it got to me, he told me “Old things are passed away, and behold all things are become new.” He said I am holding onto the past and it is weighing me down. That relationship with Christ that I once had can still be but I have to let go. I have to forgive. It is time to forgive. He doesn’t know if I have to forgive myself, others, but it’s time to forgive. It’s time to come out of that cave of isolation that I have allowed the enemy to put me in. And with strength, and boldness, I need to tell the enemy that he is not going to take hold of my family anymore. Things that once were, aren’t going to happen anymore.
So, Sunday morning, I was in the shower, praying, and I felt led to pray for Chris. And he is angry. I have asked forgiveness before Chris, and before God. I did that long ago and many times over, now it is time that I forgive myself. I can do that.. It is a journey. Chris’ anger surged after I took Brian back. After our 7 month split. He was already married, but I get it… A love like the love Chris and I shared… Was the love of Fairy Tales. But unlike Fairy Tales, we didn’t live happily ever after. We were our own monsters. We destroyed each other, we destroyed ourselves, we destroyed our home. But we loved one another. We were best friends. We knew each other inside and out. We spoke our own language. We were meant to be. But now we aren’t. Old things are passed away. It has taken a long time for me to let Chris go. But I feel as though I have finally let him go. Time to forgive and forget… Including MYSELF!!