A week after our nation’s Independence Day, I think of “independence.” I think of the state of the nation as a whole. The 2016 presidential race is a joke. Donald Trump is the republican candidate, versus Hillary Clinton, the democratic candidate. What a joke! There will have to be an independent rise up to win. Britain has pulled out of the European Nations. Affectionately named the “Brexit.” However, I’m not here to write a political post.
Ever since I was a child, I was codependent. I have been on a journey of independence. I think that I am there. For so long I was so dependent on a man, thinking I needed a man. But, being separated from Brian, being celibate taught me so much more. I know I’m back with him, but he does nothing for me. He helps out with the kids, but I won’t need that once my schedule is as it should be. I learned independence. Even when he tries to tear me down and says how things “will be with another man…” I wonder if he is the codependent one. When I met Shawn, neither of us were codependent, and we both enjoyed each others company, and it did not move too fast. Being back with Brian, it is difficult to stay out of the old routine of codependency.
It sucks to be unhappy. Codependency sucks. I asked Brian if he thought we were “codependent.” He doesn’t think so. Some days are good, most days are not. It is all a joke, an unhealthy joke.