In truth, I don’t really know what my future holds. I don’t really know what my next step will be, where I’m going… What I’m doing… All I do know is, what lies ahead has to be better than what was. Part of me wants to go home to Florida. But what do I have there? I have no friends there anymore. I don’t want to stay here. I have nothing. I have no one. I have some friends. I have a church family whom I love… (Okay, that’s not nothing/no one.)
I dropped off my response to the divorce summons today. It was harder than I expected. Perhaps because it was after my PTSD appointment with the VA… Everyone tells me I’m better off without Brian, and I can do so much better. First thing out of EVERYONE’s mouths. I’m sure they’re right. However, that doesn’t take the love, or the hurt away. Wow… I got duped twice! Hah! I’m some kind of idiot. I can’t let it happen a third time. Especially not after he told his family I’m sleeping with 5 different men. Seriously?! *sigh* THAT hurts the most. More than him leaving. To call me out of my name like that… If I’ve been anything at all, it’s faithful, and loyal. Sure, last separation I went on a million first dates. But I haven’t talked to ONE guy! Not one this time… Even if he tried to reconcile, I could never do it again. Maybe it’s my pride. Maybe I just know better. Maybe I am just no man’s fool for a third time.
In just over two weeks, kids and I will be moving (again). This time I am MAJORLY downsizing. We are moving into a 2bedroom – 2bathroom apartment. I am super sad about it. The kids are not as sad. Michaela is happy to be my roommate, haha. I tell ya, my kids are the most awesome kids. They sure know how to make lemon cake 😉