As I have been wrestling with feelings of guilt of past failed marriages. (Is it my fault.) I am always taking the blame, 1) because my former spouses lay the blame on me, and 2) I am used to taking responsibility for everything.
I met with my pastor and his wife last night, and he broke things down pretty clearly for me. Yes, I am a person that likes order, and believes that input must have output. A leads to B leads to C leads to D and so on… However, sometimes, we go from C to L. Sometimes our positive input yields negative output, or no output at all. As the bible states, “time and chance happens to us all.” Which explains why good things can happen to bad people, bad things can happen to good people. There is also the element of human choice. We do not have control over another human’s actions or beliefs. Unforutanetly, the choices made by others effects me, us, you… I cannot – I will not take responsibility for the actions made by others. I can only take responsibility for my actions. I know that I did my best in my marriage, I tried to reconcile it. I apologized time and again, I prayed about it. I put it in God’s hands. I am not responsible. My marriage with Chris… Where do I begin? It’s over, it has been for years. I need to leave it in His hands. I need not continue to punish myself by trying to own responsibility.
Pastor said something else that resonated. When we are baptised, it is “for the remission of sins.” Remission means the cancellation of debt, or forgiveness of sins. Now when you are baptised, it is not only your sins that are wiped away, but the sins of others that are committed against you. Once we receive the Holy Ghost, we are endued with power. Power is defined as “the right or authority that is given or delegated to a person over a person or body.” The Holy Ghost gives us power. We still do not have power of the choices of others. However, we have power over the effect it has on us. What I am learning to deal with, is to not take responsibility for the actions of others. I had no power over what was done. I have power over my own reaction. I told my kids that although I hate what happened to them, I will no longer take responsibilty for their dad’s, or Brian’s actions. They are not my actions. I can no longer, and will, no longer accept fault. I am learning to let go of things that are not mine to own.
Human choice effects us all. We are left to deal with the consequences many times of not only our own choices, but the choices that others make. We can feel hurt, physical, emotional, psycholgical… From the choices that others make. That pain can run deep. Yet, once we realize that the choice was not ours, but theirs, and assume no responsibility for it, our minds can heal. After our minds heal, our hearts will follow suit. It takes longer for the heart to heal, but the heart will heal. We make choices. Our choices not only effect us, but others as well. The effects may be positive, negative, or neutral. Same as the effect of other individuals’ choices on us. No choice is without effect. However, we must own the consequences of our own choices, and no one else’s. Human choice effects us all. We must all be aware of that simple concept. We must not be reckless in our dealings or actions. One day we will all have to account for our choices.