So, I am in the process of working out the details of my next couple of months, and potentially year. I am cautiously optimistic, secretly happy, very hopeful. I do not know what is going to happen, or where life is going to take me. Some things are absolutes. I absolutely will be graduating college in May. I absolutely will be starting Grad School in August. I will be divorced in a month. I should have my disability rating from the VA in a couple of weeks. I go to get a sleep study soon, which may add to my disability rating. (Those are my absolutes, haha!)
Some things remain to be seen… As in where will I live. I am still trying to decide for certain on whether or not I am relocating back to Florida, or remaining in Washington. The only thing keeping me in Washington is my church, and the fact that I already have a job… Relocating will be easier to decide once I know if I am 100% disabled, and once Chris is paying the full amount in child support. Saving money is easy. Finding a job will be easy, especially once I graduate. I have the experience… Finding a place to live, a place to worship (although I think I may have found that), taking Chris to court to amend the parenting plan so that I can take the kids out of state… All of these things must take place, and I must do this relatively quickly. I have nothing holding me here, no one tying me to this place any longer. But, what do I have in Florida? Family… Sort of… Friends… Sort of… All are old, and I would have to reconnect. Am I up to that challenge? Can I do it? Dare I try?
The perks: I can buy a house easier. Perhaps I won’t feel so alone. The kids will have grandparents. I will be able to reconnect with friends. The kids will have stability. I will be able to give the kids a better quality of life, or will I? We won’t be so alone.
The cons: Starting all over (again). What if it is not what I imagine? What if we cannot find a church? I will be taking the kids away from their dad (let’s be real this is a pro and a con all in one). Being near mom and dad, they give me stress.
Can I really do this? I believe that I can. I believe that I will. So much it unknown. I have so much expectancy. I am excited. I am nervous. What is to come? What will happen? What will my future be? I need to live for today, not yesterday, not tomorrow… How can I not live for tomorrow? I always live for tomorrow… I want tomorrow to be better than yesterday, and today… I don’t know what today is… I know that my children deserve the best. I know that I deserve better. I know that I am striving for the best that I can I give them, and the best that I can achieve for myself.