Confusion?

We are at this awkward stage, CG and I, where IDK if we have fallen, on the verge of falling, or what… There has been a shift in the force. I can feel it. We are “just friends.” Maybe I’m crazy. But, when I tell him about a potential guy that is interested in me, he automatically hates the guy, and finds a reason for us to get together, to take me to the coast, or Seattle. I’m like, “to find me a suitable guy?” But no, to “you’ll see” he says, “to do whatever. People watch.” When he’s on night shift, “we’ll have all day.” “?” But then he talks about these two women… Granted, since he and I – since our friendship has – he has definitely cut it off with one, and in the process of cutting it off with the other. He assures me that nothing has happened… Not that it matters. We’re just friends. When he is in a bad mood and doesn’t want to speak with or see anyone, “except me,” we’ll have lunch…


I feel almost territorial. I almost want to stake my claim. When we part, I want to hug him like I mean it, I always try not to hug him… But, he always insists on a hug. It is always awkward, for me anyway… Trying to make it as platonic as possible. This is the first time, I think I have admitted that I might, sort of, kind of, maybe, a little bit have some sort of feeling toward him, other than a friend… *sigh* There! I said it. It’s probably temporary… But then, I woke up on Thanksgiving, and he was the first person to wish me a “Happy Thanksgiving,” and it put a smile on my face. I responded before getting out of bed… He replied immediately… Little things like that… Make me wish I could text him all day long! But what would I say? Hah! I want to see him, talk to him, spend time with him… And, no, no, no! This is wrong! He probably doesn’t even think of me… I was whining about men the other night, being fat and balding… And he was like “Asians.” (He’s Asian.) My response (because I’m borderline retarded) “Asians don’t like black women.” Which is when he suggested taking me to Seattle… Then he proceeded to tell me that “all of the good men are taken, and what’s left are damaged, guarded men whom are picky.” He is “damaged and picky.” Um… okay? Not sure what that meant… In any case, the infatuation will end soon…


Then, there’s JS. (I’m a one woman show, aren’t I?) My childhood crush, adult crush(?) or something like that. A couple weeks ago, he sends me a Facebook message saying that he will be moving to Washington in April, “can we link up” when he gets here? I don’t know whether to be shocked, flattered, happy, or what! I am planning to move to Florida next summer, not for him by any means… Was he moving out this way for me? We don’t even know each other. I mean, we could date, sure, and what if we are not compatible? We don’t even speak now. I have nothing to say to him, and I get the feeling he is to shy to speak to me… Recipe for… DISASTER? Hard to be interested in a guy that has no confidence… I’m like “give me something to go on!” If he gave me something, I could do the rest, haha. Maybe… I don’t even know if he has a good personality or not. It isn’t even that I need to date… Because I don’t. I’m doing well on my own. I’m even happy. It’s just… Oh! I don’t know… There’s CG… and JS… and they send my heart all a-flutter…


Take this and times it by TWO!

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