And I’ve been thinking lately… As I have taken over the Kidz in Motion Ministry at church, I am now a supervisor at work – I have all of these responsibilities… I must speak and behave like a responsible adult. Time to grow up. But not only that, God has really been dealing with me lately in the realm of grace – well, grace and love. Grace, love, and my tongue. “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” So, God, “create in me a clean heart, and purify me.” This is my prayer. Day in, and day out. I must be cleansed, through-and-through.
I think I wrote some days back about grace. But, sheesh, it has just been on my heart. We – no, I am so unworthy of His grace, yet He grants it to me day-after-day, time-after-time. Who am I, if I am not willing to love my neighbor as myself? Who am I if I be quick to anger, quick to wrath, and slow to forgive, slow to seek forgiveness? He laid down His life for me when I was yet lost in sin. I did not deserve it. But grace. His grace. His mercy. The song says, “mercy said no, I’m not going to let you go. I’m not going to let you slip away. You don’t have to be afraid. Mercy said no, sin will never take control.” Why? Because of God’s grace towards me. His mercy delivers me. His love saves me. His grace forgives me. Who would I be if I held a grudge? Who would I be if I did not forgive those that hurt me? Who would I be if I demanded an apology? He went to the cross, bearing my sins, without an apology. I had not yet sought forgiveness. I was lost in sin, yet if He died for no one else, He died for me!
I will love my neighbor as myself. I will pray for my enemies. I don’t need to be harsh. I need to pray that the Lord create in me a clean heart and purify me. As pastor said this morning, “Sometimes, you have to look inside yourself. You’re doing all the right things to fix the wrong problem.” I was like, ouch!! Felt that one like a steel hammer on the head!
In any case, no more games. Time for a cleansing. Time for a purification. I don’t want to be concerned or consumed with anything else. Just You, Lord. It appears that I am married to You and the ministry now. Two marriages have failed me. I am neither deserving of another, nor willing to risk the heartache. So, You have ALL of me. Take me as I am, make me and mold me into what You would have me become. Change me for the better. Use me for Your glory. In Your name, Jesus. Amen.