HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! (Not) It was a crappy Mother’s Day. Where do I begin? Hmm… Maybe the fact that I really didn’t get to spend any time with my kids at all. Maybe the fact that I have realized that people are so selfish, and take so much that I am weary.
I had a lady, old enough to be my mother, and the granddaughter whom she is raising, over for dinner on Saturday. You know, fellowship and whatnot. In any case, they stayed until 2am, I had to get up for church, finish prep for KIMM Mother’s Day presents (kill me). No shower for me. (Seriously). Then wake up early for church. Yes, I showered. Rough morning with the kids. (Please freaking kill me!) Church is actually out at a decent time! Yes! I get to eat lunch with the kids before I go to work. You see, I have been so busy serving others, that not only am I depleted, but my children have lost their mother! Sad, but true.
I still haven’t mastered the art of saying no. Old MGP was like, “Church is out early, I don’t want to wait until 1pm for my Access Van to get here, can you drive me to my daughter’s home?” I respond, “I have to get the kids to dad, I have to change, and I have to go to work.” Clearly that’s a no, right? WRONG!!! She was like, “But I don’t wanna be the only one here.” So, I’m like, “Well, we have to leave now.” “Okay, okay!” I go tell the kids to get in the car, come back, this woman is chatting up a storm, not even trying to leave! I’m like uuuhhhhhmmmm…. Seriously?! Yup. Wanna know what’s even better? I was late to work.
While I was at church, they put all of the mothers on blast – I hate that with a passion. It’s like it broadcasts my “single motherhoodness.” “Stand up, walk around, get a hug.” Show everyone that you’re a young single mom, so they can all make their stupid assumptions about you! And yeah, I know, screw what they think! But, it’s still hard. Just a reminder of my two failed marriages, when they say, with their judgemental faces, “You have three kids?” “You like a kid.” “Well, how old are you?” And I grin and bear it. Yes, I have three. Why thank you. I’m old enough, haha. When, in my mind, I want to say some other words.
Then, I look around at the childless. The faces that force smiles on their faces, and behind the smiles, in the eyes, you can see the hurting. When you hug them, you can feel the hurting. Who knew that this stupid day would be so hard for so many women, for so many reasons. I had children with such ease. It almost doesn’t seem fair. Here I am, a two-time divorcée, with three kids. Those women, married – for years! Is it fair? How I envy them their marriages, how they envy me my children. Now, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my children for anything in this world! Yet, I wonder, what would they give to have a child?
Having been married, and divorced twice, I also would not give anything just to be married… Yes, sometimes it hurts. Sometimes, it’s lonely. But, I can truly say that I have had true love and it failed. I can also say that since I had true love, I will not settle for anything less again. Even knowing that there is a real possibility that this might mean that I will never be in another romantic relationship again. And that sucks.
This was just my long way of saying that my Mother’s Day sucked royally, and the week has not only followed suit, but given me it’s worst. Yay me. Not.