Doubting Disbelief – Better off Damned? 

My journey through this past week or two has been rough, to say the least.  I have been hit on all fronts: work, church, every now and then the step parents rear their ugly, shrek-like heads, and I have to put them in their place…  Then, on top of ALL of that early last week, I received a Facebook message from someone with a “Wonder Woman” profile picture.  The message said, “Jessy, I know your man didn’t tell you that we have a baby from a year ago. But he needs to get a DNA test and pay me child support.”  Me, I rolled my eyes, deleted the message.  Nice try silly, I don’t have a man!  Then, my sister, several hours later sends me a text message, “Who is this?”  Umm… Who?  I can’t read your mind, I’m at work…  She sends a screenshot of Wonder Woman’s Facebook message to her

Um…  Okay, so you aren’t going away, are you, psycho?  I say, “Idk, I got one too, I just deleted it.”  In truth, I am hard to find on Facebook.  I don’t have many friends.  Not friends with my ex (either of them – there are two) or mutual friends.  Additionally, stepmom of most recent ex has a page made, that has been popping up on my “People You May Know.”  No picture, same friends that the family has…  Could be her or my ex, trying to gain access…  I blocked the page.

In any case, I had a rough work week from the start.  There was no clinical staff – just ME, and a nurse that tries to set me up with his friends while trying to date me although he is engaged to an RC in the BRS program.  Yeah, I don’t like him.  He has severe “little man” syndrome, at his whomping 5’3 stature.  He is like, “there’s a jazz festival in Canada next week.”  “I’m busy.”  “There’s a tough mudder competition in September.”  “I’ll be in California.”  “How do you know so far ahead?”  Um, dude, take a hint! Plus, aren’t you getting married that week?  Like, seriously?  And, I don’t mess with married/engaged/or otherwise taken men.

So, My Daughter gets the mail for me today…  Care to venture a guess as to what came in the mail?  That jerk to whom I was once married, is still messing with me via the VA.  I could scream. Actually, I didn’t scream, I swore.  A lot.  A whole lot.  This on top of everything else.

Sunday, I taught the teen class.  Sunday was Fathers Day.  NO littles showed up, at all!  The teens didn’t even want to come to class.  I honestly didn’t even teach after discovering that ZH hasn’t even been using the curriculum that I purchased.  I was like, screw it – not in those words.  (My week was so horrible, I couldn’t even fight.)  I am so at a loss.  Oh!  Then somebody stole my glue!  My personal glue, from home, right there, next to purse, was taken right out of church, without a trace!  How bold?!  Right?

So, here I have it, an ex-husband who won’t leave me alone, and has “two children,” with the woman with whom he cheated.  Not to mention, he keeps trying to get at me through the VA.  Then, work…  What can I say about work?  Where is God?  That is what I want to say?  I am sinking!  And He is letting me drown.  Am I better off damned?  Because, for Pete’s sake, I feel cursed right now.  Barely hanging in there.  I am told “it’s a test of your faith.”  Well, dang.  Just how faithful do I have to be?  It is one thing after another.  And this has been for the last how many years?!  Or how about my whole pathetic life!  Goodnight!  I am tired of this crap.  

Like the song says: if you see me walking by, and the tears are in my eyes, look away, baby look away.  Tears have been trying to fill up my eyes but I can’t seem to let them spill out.  First stages of bitterness, here we come!! With my eyes wide open.

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