Rough Day

Not everyday is a rough day, but yesterday (Monday) was a ROUGH day.  Not only did it mark the official “Brian is definitely GONE, he took the cat” day.  I also had to terminate one of my employees.  You know, I remember the day well, that I was at work…  We were at Woodland Park Zoo, and the kids called me, and told me that Brian “came home, took Mittens, and left.”  He didn’t take any clothes.  They heard the garage door open and close a couple times, then I get a voice mail, and email from Andrew in the lease office, stating that Brian returned his keys, and garage door opener, and signed a paper removing his name from the lease.  I was on an outing with the kids from my job.  I cried for like 2.5 seconds.  Then, I sucked it up.  And, that was it.  The end.  It was over.  We were over.  Guess what.  The youth, at my job, went to Woodland Park Zoo today.  Oh the irony.

So, this gal that I terminated…  Domestic Violence situation (Sunday).  Not the reason for termination.  Made me feel like dog doo for terminating her on Monday, however.  It was like, “sorry your life sucks, AND you’re fired!”  Way to be “trauma informed!”  Right?  I seriously cried today, at work, more than once.  What a crappy day.  “Some days it just be like dat.”

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I was chatting with my sis…  She had a good quote…  (I’m gonna mess it up)  It went something like:  “Trust God even when what He’s doing doesn’t line up with my timing.”  We were talking about marriage.  So many want instantaneous marriages, answers, blessings, you name it, we want it already done done, given, answered, YESTERDAY!  God doesn’t work like that!  The trying of our faith worketh patience (James 1:3).  Life comes with it’s fair share of challenges.  And we know that in our weakness, we are made strong.  I have two divorces.  Had it not been for those, I would never have known to love myself, nor the true love of God.  I may never marry again.  I do not know that He has someone for me.  I would love for God to have a spouse for me – somewhere out there…  I don’t want to be alone forever…  And, I do not believe that there is anyone out there.  I loved Chris so much.  I want a love like that (minus the abuse).  I don’t think that will happen again.  Chris was my absolute BEST FRIEND.  I wanted to stay up all night talking to him, after spending all day with him.  He was my heart’s desire…  A love like that…  If God has a man like that out there for me…  OKAY!  I’ll get married again…  I fell in love at first sight…  I want that again…  IF I fall…  BIG “if”…  okay… I’m sleepy…

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