I Do It To Myself

Why does CG choose to show up whenever he does? Whenever I’m feeling sorry for myself, low, sad, and lonely? “When will you work nights again?” “Why? You miss me?” “Of course.” And that’s all it takes to win me back over. “I’m having a get together at my house on Friday.” “I’m going to baseball game.” *Crickets* “I can stop by after.” “Good! Stop by.” Me, kicking myself. I have to work in the morning. I can’t stop by. I do want to see him. How long has it been? Why do we keep doing this? Aren’t you at work? How is it you’ve talked to me nonstop for the past four hours?

We keep ending up here. You can’t let me go. I fall for you so easily. Yet, neither of us has the guts to say anything? You are so curious as to who I’m seeing if anyone, no one is good enough. You have something negative to say about anyone I may have the slightest interest. But aren’t you dating? Aren’t you in a relationship? Why can’t I have a person too? Is there only you? You don’t want me – and don’t want anyone else to have me either. Is no one good enough? Why are you holding on? Once upon a time, I thought I could love you. Now, the games… The games you play with my heart. And I just fall for you every single time!

Maybe there is only you. I am so confused. I know that sometimes, there are distractions in place to keep us from our “blessings.” So, in the past week, there has been RBJ, DA, CE, Neighbor, now CG… Maybe my Prince Charming lies amongst the single ones above… Maybe they are ALL distractions… I have no clue… we’ll see… In the mean time…

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