Your Face Gets Me Every Time…

I told myself I wasn’t going to go tonight. I knew it would be a bad idea. Was it so bad? Maybe not… I don’t care what anyone says – I don’t care what you say to yourself, that girl is awful! I have to wonder why you do that to yourself? Don’t you love yourself more than that? I love you more than that! (And that’s not just me being selfish.) You aren’t even happy! And it shows! How could you sit and look at me like that – across the kitchen, with her there? Gosh, I tripped over my words! And, when you invited me over, you never mentioned that it was her birthday! My goodness, I would have at least brought her a card!

Ooo But, your face… Your eyes… The way you looked at me… Do you regret choosing her? Should I have said how I feel? I started following this blog, “fabafter40” and there’s a post that goes into “why you should tell your best friend that you love him…” And basically it’s like: the worst he can say is “no.” (As in not feel the same way.) Or, maybe you’ll try it, it won’t work and you will not be able to go back to being friends. Maybe you’ll try it, and it won’t work and you will go back to being friends. Or, maybe he will feel the same way, and you will have a great relationship! Whatever the case, you should tell him that you love him, because life is too short! After tonight, seeing their interactions, seeing the way he still looks at me… I regret not telling him that I like him. Like my sister always says: The worst he can say is “no.” Heck, he is already with another woman! I saw scratch marks on his arm. And what looked like an intentional wound across his wrist – like a slice… I want to ask… She was very territorial… When he was around me, it was baaaaaad… She made sure to mark her territory. She was angry texting. Then her ugly friend showed up. I was just like, here we go… She is super jealous!

I stumbled over my words whenever our eyes met… I wonder if he could tell – or if anyone else noticed? God, don’t let him marry her! Then her stupid, “Babe!” “Babe!” *sigh* I just wanted to tell her to “Shut Up!” I guess she lives there?! He tried to cover that up… Why cover it? We aren’t anything to each other… Technically, we never were… But, those eyes… That face… When we finally hugged… *sigh* If there had ever been another man on my mind, they didn’t exist tonight… Tonight, there was only me, and you… Tonight, when we talked, even in a room of five other people, yours was the only voice I heard. Tonight, when our eyes met, even sitting, I felt my knees go weak, and give way. Tonight, there was only you and me. You were disappointed when I said I was leaving… Everyone else said they were leaving… Had I stayed, she would have been upset… Had I stayed… Would I have told you how I really feel? Would I have asked the question that I know I shouldn’t? Would I be able to restrain my words? When you held me so tight, I didn’t want you to let go. I wanted to stay in your embrace – to return it… But, you were buzzed, and I knew better. I need to find the words. Ross and Rachel style “Choose me. Pick me.”

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