Surrender

Surrender. A verb, meaning: cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.

Sound easy enough? Hah! Yeah right! Nothing easy about surrendering. To surrender is probably the most challenging thing you will ever have to do in your life. Surrender what, exactly? Your will, your time, your life, your future, your all! To whom? To He who holds life, death, time, this world, in His hands. He who is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient. The Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the Ending. He who was, and is, and is to come.

Freedom. Are we ever truly free? Can we ever be free? Surrendering, like repentance, I feel, is a practice that must occur daily. Paul said: I die daily. We always take this as repentance. But, just a thought, do repentance and surrender go hand-in-hand? Rather, should they? Because, we know that they don’t… Surrendering is hard! To be free, and stay free, we need to surrender daily! Surrender our hearts to God, surrender our wills – everything else will fall in line.

Part of my problem is trusting God to do what He is going to do… I guess because, I don’t know what He is going to do. No, God doesn’t tell me all of His plans. (I wish He did.) He doesn’t even tell me some of the plans that He has for my life. However, Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This is a promise to which I cling. This is a hope in which I place my trust! I surrender all…

The part that is most challenging in life is clinging to hope, in such a hopeless situation. Life hurts. Life is hard. I often feel like I have nothing to look forward to. But to place my trust in God… To surrender my will, and trust that He is working all things out for my good… That is true faith. I know that the Word says He will give me all the desires of my heart. And I have thought about this… What does my heart desire? Things in this world? Health? Fame? Fortune? Another heart to love, and be loved? No, none of the above… Not really anyway. I don’t know what I desire. I don’t know what I want. Yet, I have a difficult time surrendering my will to God. I have a difficult time trusting in Him. Trusting his timing, trusting His promises. How can I not trust His promises, when I don’t even know what they are? Great is the mystery!

In my pain, I learn so much – I grew, I surrendered! I’m not healed, I am still healing. I don’t surrender every day, I have to remind myself. Some days, I regret the past, the current – loathe the future. Some days are difficult – downright hard! But I press on, knowing that what will come tomorrow is so much more that all of my yesterdays. I don’t know the reason for my pain and the suffering that I have endured really. Heck, I don’t know if there truly is a reason. I know that somedays – most of the time, I hate being the bigger person. It isn’t fair. But, it must account for something! This surrender that I am doing, this obedience… It must account for something. It’s not easy.

Lecrae has a new album out, “All Things Work Together,” and on it is a song, “Cry For You.” Lyrics are below:

[Taylor Hill:]
This thorn in my flesh
Is the only thing I got left
And it’s so hard to confess
When everybody thinks you’re perfect
But I cry for you
If you feel it too
And I’ll cry for you
If you show how to lose
The elephants in the room

[Lecrae:]
Take it away, I beg you, take it all away
The pain it causes, it makes me wish I could fade away
If they knew what you knew, they’d probably shun me
I’m surprised you know it all and you love me
I know I break your heart
Body of death, give me rest if my heart stops
Then it don’t hurt no more, can’t get worse no more
Can’t pursue all these desires, it ain’t cursed no more
No more lies about my worth no more
I understand the thoughts of suicide that do reside
But when I stop and think about my family, I feel new inside
I promised I would die a thousand deaths ‘fore I cause them any pain
But somehow I end up killing everything
I cry for you
If you feel a dark, twisted, heart-wrenching, hate-to-see-your-own-reflection
Praying for an intervention, feeling guilt and feeling shame
I just call on Jesus name
Praying daily, can you take away this pain?
Take the thorn away
Still, it remains, I
Feel the same, I
Know that I’m here, but
Still feel insane
Satan would love to see my give up and throw up my hands
He say I’m guilty but You say I’m clean

[Taylor Hill:]
This thorn in my flesh
Is the only thing I got left
And it’s so hard to confess

When everybody thinks you’re perfect

But I cry for you
If you feel it too
And I’ll cry for you
If you show how to lose
The elephants in the room

[Lecrae:]
Yeah, Sunday morning, or Sunday mourning
I woke up dead inside from all the hurt I saw before me
Evil tryna take away my testimony
Starin’ at my phone, feelin’ like a phony
Oh, I cry for you, I would die for you
To escape the pain I feel from all that I’ve been through
I feel it in my soul and in my chest
Take away this ugly thorn inside my flesh
Give me death
But grace is sufficient to start my mission
I’m so far from perfect, can’t believe they listen
But hear a broken man ’til your healin’ happens
And hear a liar tell you truth to bring you gladness
I could never boast in my accomplishments
I can only hope in God with confidence
Opposite of optimist, U and I are consonants
Broken all the vowels, deservin’ of every consequence
Will you cry for me, or will you judge me?
Will you throw stones at my head, or will you love me?
I could never be everything that you wanna see
But crooked sticks draw straight lines, just look at me
(But crooked sticks draw straight lines, just look at me)

[Taylor Hill:]
This thorn in my flesh
Is the only thing I got left
And it’s so hard to confess
When everybody thinks you’re perfect

But I cry for you
If you feel it too
And I’ll cry for you
If you show how to lose
The elephants in the room

[Lyrics from: https:/lyrics.az/lecrae/all-things-work-together/cry-for-you.html

I was only going to do the chorus/pre-chorus… But the entire song speaks to me… It has been on repeat. This was written as a journal entry, not a song, originally, apparently… But it is so beautiful… He said he didn’t even want to share it with the world. It was recorded in one take, you can tell… Lecrae said that he was almost crying while saying the rhymes. I can feel it… Paul said he had a thorn in his flesh. I had several conversations today, this song just reflected in the background of my mind… Paul had a thorn in his flesh too… I have been told so many times, “You have it all together.” No, no I really don’t. Feeling so dead inside, I have this thorn inside my flesh, it’s so hard to confess, everyone thinks I’m perfect. So hard to reach out for help. *Sigh* What have we but to surrender? Only His grace is sufficient.