Without Words

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Psalms 27:10

I am without words today.  I have not felt this low in a very long time at the hands – or words, of the one(s) who birthed me.  I am in so much pain right now, it is not even funny.

To be violated by a man, is one thing.  To call your father, for advice, help, support, in a time of desperation, and be re-victimized, insulted, scrutinized, abused – is a completely different story.

Yeah, I stood up to dear old dad – sort of…  I still let him tear me down.  I still let him call me every name in the book. I still gave him the power over me – power to make me feel like complete and utter dog doo.

As though I were not already victimized. I gave him the power to re-victimize me. And he did! Six hours later, I’m still crying. I’m still feeling like just giving up on life. I need to sleep it off. I think I’ll be able to think clearly tomorrow. Tonight, I sleep!

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