My home has been in extreme chaos lately! I mean, everyone fighting with everyone… Attitudes flying around, left and right! People reverting back to their old ways! I was like, What on earth is going on here?! I mean, not like I’m not personally going through enough crap on my own, my goodness!
In any case, why do I feel like I never eat?! I mean, I live in a state of constant fasting… Not even out of choice, really, or will.. My weight has once again dropped below 100lbs. However, I started eating meat to GAIN weight! However, I cannot even enjoy eating meat because I’m always fasting! Not by choice, but because I compelled to fast. I mean, the Lord knows why. Many things have been revealed, as a result, for that I am grateful.
I am reminded that “we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” With this knowledge, I have been able to approach the issues in my home differently (since Friday night) and let me tell you, I see a change already! Since Friday, I adopted a method my parents used on me: pray until you touch God! I pray as well. We have peace in our home. I see a difference in the kids. I see a difference in interpersonal relationships. It is like when I fell in love with Jesus as a child (preteen/teen), I am not approaching it quite like my parents (as a punishment) but I am hoping to help cultivate a love of prayer, of Christ, in them.
You know, I am truly overwhelmed by the events of the weekend! I not only emotionally overwhelmed, but also physically! My body is exhausted. I am needing to recover. Still. By Sunday evening, I was nearly in tears. Too much social interaction? I was in front of the crowd too much! I can’t – I absolutely hate being in front of the crowd. I hate public speaking. I jokingly told my daughter, “People literally make me sick.” I am an introvert, plain and simple. This weekend has taken so much out of me! The one smart thing I did was take a long weekend from work! Give me time to recover…
I need to find a job where I can work alone, but not alone-alone… Does that make sense? Haha! Ugh! Heaven help me!
So much has been revealed to me this weekend, and the revelations keep coming. All that fasting was not in vain, and I am able to eat again! PTL!
I am entering a new season. A season of cleansing. A season where things, people, friendships will change, be cleansed. The thing is, as the ones are purged, new bonds will be formed. This I believe. Though this transition period may be painful, I won’t look at what I don’t have, or what I’m losing – I will look at what I do have. Too often I look back, like Lot’s wife. What God delivers me from, I won’t long for. Too often I have done that. Time for change. To grasp everything He has for me, I must walk in the newness of His light. Old things shall pass away, behold all things shall be made new.