The family where I grew up has always been full of turmoil, bickering, backbiting, pain, etc… I have had a tough time living as part of this family for all of my life, knowing that no matter what I do or don’t do, it there is often pain associated with this family. I am finally tired of being at a place of being mistreated, spoken about so carelessly – having my children spoken about so carelessly. I admit, I was hurt – I am hurt! Yet, I decided to let it all go and walk in forgiveness, and let the Lord heal the pain.
I have made various phone calls, asking forgiveness directly in those calls, and also indirectly giving forgiveness. I have one last communication to make – there were only 3… Already I feel lighter. I teach my children, as it was a lesson to myself, that we must forgive, if we want to be forgiven.
To be right with God is to be right with man. This means, whether the apology comes or not, we must forgive. It has been therapeutic to make these phone calls, as well as exhausting, however I want to be obedient to God’s word, His will, and His way. I made the calls, not expecting apologies, or anything – which is good because I didn’t get any. The two calls I made, the person on the other end started out on full defense and hostile. I didn’t apologize immediately.
The second phone call, I honestly didn’t know what my offense was/is, but there is hostility there. She holds onto I “was so surprised that her marriage fell apart when it looked different on social media. And called Daddy giddy and ecstatic!” Which is complete and utter nonsense. Not that I have to explain myself, I didn’t apologize for that, but I clearly stated that I NEVER discussed her with dad. That wasn’t received at all. Nothing I can do there.
The first phone call, I apologized for freaking out and not receiving his words. The conversation was a: You said _____, I heard _____, I think you meant ______. Not sure it was received either.
In any case, the negativity surrounding them is palpable, and we are a country apart. Not sure why the hatred. I pray the Lord will bless them. I pray they find peace. Living life like that is not healthy, or pleasing to God. And, it’s not my battle to fight, it’s in God’s hands. So glad I learned to cast my cares (and leave them) on Him, because He cares for me.
When you are in God’s will, you don’t have to constantly pray about a situation, because He will bring you peace, lift the burden, and you just walk in liberty. It was the same when my marriage ended, and it’s been the same now. When you are in your own will, you have to constantly seek justification for what you are doing. You have to prove that you are right. Sometimes what God intended to happen was going to happen anyway, but when we push things to match our own timing, we may have to go back to the beginning of the process and allow God to do what He was going to do, the way He intended. Not our will, but His will be done.