Since September – October, life has been DIFFICULT! That’s the best way that I can think, to put it in words… I allowed myself to be consumed by my circumstances. All I could see around me were the traps being laid for me – and the battle, the never ending battle. I kept giving, and giving – now, I have known this about myself, sometimes I get so consumed with serving God, that I neglect my relationship with God. So, in the midst of the never ending battles, me trying to serve, I never allowed Him to carry me. I neglected my relationship – trying to carry it all on my own. During it all, I became so depleted. I’m not depressed, but I’m not happy. Does that make sense?
I called my “Just One,” last Sunday, about something for her to pray about and of which to be cautious in my absence on the team. As we began to pray, she started saying, “Joy, joy, joy, joy…” Over and over. Tears, against my own will began to fall, trembling lips, tongues – I didn’t want to – it wasn’t the right time! Meanwhile, she’s praying, “Do it, God!” I’m fighting it, unsuccessfully. Then she says to me, “All I keep hearing is ‘joy, joy, joy.’ Your Joy has been depleted. I know that you are used to carrying a heavy pack, but you are carrying a burden that isn’t yours. The battle has already been won. It doesn’t belong to you. You need to give it to the Lord, your shoulders must be so sore.” I tried to utter, “But it hurts so badly.” And, maybe I did. But, she was right. I allowed God to work on me. I listened to her words. She instructed me to “turn on my worship music, and dance like David!” She told me to “allow the Lord to speak to me in the way He speaks to me, and I may receive a revelation.”
When I got off the phone, I turned on my worship music. I tried to continue praying – and couldn’t. Last Monday morning, in my car, on my way to work, same thing, worship music, prayer – NOTHING. I felt NOTHING! Then, on the way home, I turned OFF the music. I was like, “Lord, what gives? Where are you? I feel like You give me just enough to let me know that You’re there, then You disappear, like everyone else! I know I said that I wish I could be like Job, but Job was a good man, he was righteous, and just, and worthy, and pure in heart, I’m none of those things!” And as I was pouring my heart out to God, that still, small voice said, “Do you think Job knew that?” Me: “No, he didn’t know that! How could he have known? He was like me, he lost his friends, I just want a friend, at least he had his wife -”
That’s when it clicked. Job had no idea why everything was happening to him. His “friends” tried to convince him that he had some impurity in his heart that he needed to beg God for forgiveness, and he needed to confess his sins. Job just remained faithful, and true. He searched his heart, he stayed close to the Lord. God spoke to Job in a way that job understood. It wasn’t an easy time for Job. It hasn’t been/ isn’t an easy time for me. No, I would never compare myself to Job. Still, are the trials we endure any different? This is the revelation that was revealed to me.
I thank the Lord for His revelations! Then, a gentleman/ Deacon – at my church, older man, praying type, messaged me! Never messages me! I had been praying.. and he said: “FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when you turn to the right hand, and when you turn to the left. (Isaiah 30:21)
“Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word”
It was RIGHT ON TIME! Let me tell you! Who am I that You are mindful of me? God is so good! An ever present help in the time of trouble! He places people to not only stand in the gap, but also encourage us through Word that will uplift up at just the right time. I am so thankful!
Singing: how great is our God!
On the Outside Looking In 