What a Strange Phenomenon…

Christmas has recently passed, and I can’t help but reflect upon the time I was married to CB… In truth, my memories are quite vague. I never thought I’d see the day when my memories of him would fade – he was my whole world, wrapped up in one man… Didn’t the sun rise and set in his eyes? In any case, he and his wife got me a candle, good choice, (Caramel Pecan flavored – don’t get me started with the pronunciation of it haha), and a journal. CB’s idea – the journal – no doubt. Probably remembering how I used to write in a journal incessantly… I don’t anymore… I blog… Not saying I can’t. I will try, now that I have a journal. It’s just simpler, and more effective with my time to blog. I am appreciative nonetheless. It just made me think – we have reached a stage where we no longer know one another. That’s a good thing. He probably has a better memory than I, so he may still have memories – where I have very few, if any at all (I have none). But to get me a journal, he must have some…I never thought we’d part. I thought we’d have forever and a day, and then some! Forever just wasn’t that long. Now, I have lost my memories. I feel as though I will marry again. I felt like I knew the man whom I will marry. Now, I’m not so sure… Like, was it God, or just me feeling that way? Plus, I don’t feel worthy. Me and my three children, two divorces – who could love me? Who would want me? I love you, says the Lord. So who else wouldn’t love (me)? Not for me to figure out. Right? Maybe it is not my timing either. I said I wanted to start dating at the beginning of 2018… Not my will but the Lord’s. I’m waiting…

(Love that picture, haha makes me laugh!) I’m not waiting like that, thankfully! While I wait, I am living – and enjoying this life I live! I am serving the One who gave me life, and I am not looking for anyone. If God wants me to be with another, I believe He is preparing me for that man, and preparing that man for me. Until then, I will continue to delight in serving the Lord. His ways are ever before me. My heart longs after Him – and I am so grateful that He sustains me, and comforts me. So glad that after 31 years, I have finally learned to love myself! I don’t need a man to “complete” me. I AM WHOLE! *Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus*

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