I cannot believe it is already 2018. Honestly, it is not off to the greatest start. I don’t know if I am being tried, if I am being propelled to another level or pushed out. I am ready to leave. What I know is THIS: the people that continually hurt me are the people I deem close to me. I need not be a respecter of persons. I keep doing it – why? I don’t even know. Through the process, I keep learning lessons. People tell you who they are, as you tell them no. It’s painful. I am waiting on the Lord to tell me where to go from here. Do I go, or do I stay? What more is there for me here?
I did not make any New Year’s Resolutions this year. One reason is because I never follow through with the resolutions I make. Another reason is because my relationship with God is in a place that that changed so much that I would rather take my prayers and supplications directly to the King. I recognize that on my own I cannot do anything.
I do have some desires of my heart in – or for the New Year. Perhaps they are promises that I believe are from the Lord. I need not ruin them. For instance, I believe (unless it is a want) that this is the year that with the help of the Lord I will go to new levels – and as it has been confirmed via various sources, not everyone in my life currently is meant to go there with me. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m ready to get there. I’ve made some mistakes, but I’m trying to stay focused, pure, and not bitter. It’s difficult. Right now I’m angry, no lie. Lord, forgive me. Not sure if I’m more angry, or hurt…
I have heard tell that 2018 is the “Year of the Open Heavens”: as long as long as you are in line with God, he will provide all of your needs, answer all of your requests. That sounds borderline scary – do I really want all of my requests answered? They are not all things that I need right?
I’ve heard tell that along with the joy of 2018, will come pain. When is there not joy without suffering?
I don’t know whether to be cautiously optimistic, realistically optimistic, a realist, I am rarely pessimistic – with my approach to 2018. I suppose I am just taking it one-day-at-a-time.
My hopes for 2018? I hope to travel more. I hope to laugh lots. I hope to be a friend, have a friend. I am also hoping to prepare to buy a house… I don’t HAVE to buy it this year per se, but I want to be ready to buy it… I am set to start grad school next month – Human Resource Management. Decent career field I think. I am excited. I have all of these things, and no one to share it with… I miss that – this is the year, I’m ready. My trip to Europe ignited a lot inside of me… Love, hope, renewed my faith, gave me clarity, gave me vision. *Sigh*
2018, just what exciting adventures, heartache, heart beats, love, joys, laughs, trips, YOU NAME IT – will you bring???