Leave, Stay, Wait, Be Still, Go Forth

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“There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” Proverbs 14:12KJV

“There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” Proverbs 16:25KJV

Twice we find in the KJV Bible the same scripture, two chapters apart, with the ominous promise of death when we trust our own ways that seem right in our own minds. How dangerous! We must trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not to our own understandings…

How often do I find myself faced with decisions that need to be made right now – but do they really? When walking the “walk of faith” sometimes means trusting in the Master plan with blind faith. How easy was it for the disciples to forsake their livelihoods to follow Jesus? I’m sure it wasn’t easy… Just like it wasn’t easy for me to blindly follow God’s call, trust His will. When I didn’t see the next step. Are You sure, God, because I’m scared. I know You’ll make a way, I know I’ll make it… But, this is scary! Then, confirmation. Then, two weeks of waiting. Then, I was tempted, drawn away of my own lust. I failed. Thank heavens, the Lord always prepares a way of escape. We have to step into His will, to walk in our destiny. How else can He establish us? How else can He give us the desires of our heart?

What am I talking about so vaguely? For two years I held what was my dream job. I have moved up in the company, and had not long ago taken a position, within the company as a Care Coordinator/ Discharge Planner. Great utilization of my degree. Great flexible schedule. Of course this after my position that was my dream job was eliminated without my knowledge – I found out on a conference call, via the hiring schedule. “Notice Jessy’s not on it. We eliminated her position, it just made sense.” Me, with the most experience, me with the most time there… What?! What am I going to be doing? What’s going to happen to me? Do I have a job? I am presented with three jobs to which I have my choice: 3rd in command of the program (Assistant Program Manager), Training Coordinator, or Care Coordinator/Discharge Planner. I selected CCDP – easy road. Things don’t sit right with me, however. The direction of the organization begins to go more and more against my moral and ethical belief system, on top of the obvious, disregard, disrespect… I start praying about it, and fight the answer to leave. I have plans to buy a house – I can’t leave, this is my career. I like the people, the job, I don’t know anything else.

Then, one Sunday, Pastor gets up, not even apart of the message: Some relationships are like ticks – parasites. They take more from you than they give you. You have to cut those off. Some relationships are like drains, they suck the very life out of you. You have to plug them up. Relationships aren’t always intimate spousal, significant other, children – these can be employers too. HERE’S YOUR SIGN! I went home and tendered my resignation. I did not give 30 days. I gave two weeks. And you know what, I felt PEACE. I knew I did the right thing. I made enough money outside of my job to survive with some leftover, so I wasn’t worried. Still, I hit the virtual pavement of applying to jobs – after cleaning up my resume. I knew what I wanted out of a job – for that I prayed. I told myself: don’t settle for the first job offer! Actually, since I’m in school, I planned to just go to CNA school, and work at a local agency, LTC facility, hospital, or mental health facility. But, I changed my mind since I am completely changing fields, let’s start that transition now! 

Two weeks went by, nothing. No, I take that back, an interview. It went well, but no word. Discouragement. That was the first time in all my life I went on an interview and did not get the job! Then, two interviews, both went okay… I had a migraine. I was like, I wish I had done that better! The second interview hired me! Not quite what I wanted, but, a job’s a job… Rejection letter’s were starting to come in – and the other place said they’d contact me by a certain date, no word… In my gut, don’t do it, this isn’t right. My flesh, stifle yourself! Then, the original place, calls me, all after hours and everything! Offers me the position – wait, let me say this so we all understand – not only offers me the position but says something like this: Remember how I said that at times positions open? We just had another supervisor move into a different position, and I’m not sure if you are interested, we need to look at you transcripts to ensure that you have adequate child development credits – we can discuss this when you start – I just wanted to give you something to think about. I’m already starting out making what I was making, and working MUCH closer to home. You mean I could potentially come in and transition into a supervisory role?! Why did I ever doubt? I could not have ever imagined this when I blindly followed God’s will. He is amazing, always working things out! I am amazed!

What a peace and joy to be in His will! I cannot explain it. It can be so difficult to leave that which is familiar, because we think it is safe, even if staying is our downfall.  There is a time to leave, a time to be still, and a time to go forth. Listen to that still, small voice for direction. Just listen… Leave, Stay, Wait, Be Still, Go Forth

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