Shooting Star

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Life is but a vapor. Love is honestly a gift. To have a long life, touched by love – even if for a fleeting moment, is among the greatest of miracles.

When we have played the game of love, giving our all, throwing caution to the wind, and giving of ourselves freely – we never expect that one day our feet will land back on solid ground. What do you mean “back to reality? I like it up here on cloud 9…” Never do we expect to face the storms – can we weather these? Will our love survive? Never do we expect that after all of these years of comfort, and familiarity that one person wants out. But, our life? How can it suddenly not be what you want? Our vows? Never could we imagine our best half leaving before us, and now we have to face life alone. What am I to do? Who do I talk to – you were more than my spouse, lover, companion – you were my best friend. Never did we expect while one of us was still loving, the other would walk away and never look back, leaving countless unanswered questions. Was it me? I’ll change. Why did you leave? I’ll be more this – less that… Just give me a reason, please?

Whatever the case, whatever the cause, at some point, or another, we find ourselves swinging to and fro on the pendulum between Love & Loss. “I’ll never love again!” Famous last words.

In the beginning, I allowed my past, others to dangle me on that spectrum of Love & Love: Living in Between. When I changed my mindset, and truly began to love myself, and found my worth, I removed that power from them. I regained it for myself. I lived so long haunted by memories! Can’t listen to this song because of the memory attached to it – moved me to tears because of anger, sadness, whatever! Can’t go to this place because of the memories. Can’t sit here, don’t say that! Memories, memories, memories! Then one day, at work we were doing mindfulness exercises – no big deal! I did these with the youth all the time! Only we were doing them – being led through them. Let’s go to your safe place. After a year of deny, deny, deny! Resurrection! Omg is that a tear?! How could you resurface this way, and why am I crying?! Maybe, like the three shooting stars I’ve seen in my lifetime, and remember, that moment, which is my safe place (so weird – nothing special about it, I often wonder if it was real, what day was it? But it is so vivid it has to be real! I even went there a second time a year later…) is supposed to be remembered. I don’t know the reason. His face, his voice, his scent, his laugh – everything about him has faded from my memory… Except that memory…

There’s something about a shooting star, you never expect to see one. It catches you off guard. If you’re with someone, chances are, they did not see it. It’s beautiful. It leaves you feeling different than before you experienced it – even if it isn’t your first shooting star. You can’t help but hope. You don’t give up looking towards the sky in hopes that you may see another shooting star.

I think love is kind of like that, you don’t look for love when it finds you. People in love want everyone around them to feel the same way. Love is so great! We just need to find you the right guy, I’ll see if my guy has any single friends! (I hate that the most…) After my first marriage, I gave love a second chance – too soon, I admit, but I gave it a chance. I was hopeful. I see others that won’t give up on love. Me? I’m too old for those silly thoughts, and I think I’ve used up all my chances. But, I enjoy hearing the stories. Love is tough business! My heart is with those beautiful people who are still in love, searching for love, waiting for love, and those who gave up on love. Just remember to first love yourself!

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