I cannot quite explain it… I can guess at the reason why… But today was a tough day for me – Allow me to rephrase that: Today was an emotional day for me. Maybe because I uncovered old wounds. I thought they had scarred over, but perhaps those were just scabs, because rubbed raw, tears flowing, I am in pain, and bleeding.
Driving alone to work, I gather the courage to ask: God, do You still love me? I see a solitary bird fly over head. In the quiet still of the car, I hear my answer, Yes. Don’t let the tears fall. Surely, it’s a fluke. Why have I never noticed a bird flying overhead while driving before? I see another bird. This one flies so close to the car. My eyes drift to the right, a power line, where there are two, resting together for my eyes to see. The tears fall. God, do You still see me? Alone in the quiet car, I feel His presence enfold me, as though He has wrapped His loving arms around me. I see the sky above fill with six birds, flittering about. It’s cloudy, it may rain. But, I know His eye is on the sparrow. Surely, He sees me. I am comforted for the moment.
The past has a sneaky way of creeping up on you, knowing that you are down – it plans it’s hasty attack. A weaker me may have fallen – feeling sorry for myself. But, not today, not now. I am so far beyond that. I have come too far, to turn back. I have no time for distractions, when I am so close to reaching my destiny. I know how to say, No, please accept my answer while I am being kind… We don’t even have history! And, why today??
Driving to my final destination today, I was graced yet again with such a beautiful sight! The way the cotton floated all about. It was like being in a fairy tale! Then, the birds. It seemed as though each tear nearly shed, there was a bird, hovering overhead, or flittering by. Where did that come from? Where are they going? I wondered aloud. Finally reaching an underpass I saw several birds there, I was reminded: The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and are safe. As I run, run, run to His arms, and lean on His unchanging Word to sustain me, I am safe. I am healed. I am made whole. During Jesus’ ministry, after healing the woman with the issue of blood, many – just by believing, came and touched the hem of his garment, and were made whole! To have faith like that!
Yeah, today was emotional. But, I am healed, made whole! It’s alright! And you know what, I can still smile! Despite the hurt and pain, I know that God is in the midst of it all. I am grateful for the people He has placed in my life, to lift me up, to hold me, to show me love. For the natural father that didn’t call me pretty – I have a godfather and godmother (well, two sets, haha) that think I’m beautiful! Who have opened up their hearts and homes to me. I returned my godfather’s call as I was driving today, and he answered the phone, “My beautiful daughter!” And, I missed it… How did I miss it? That’s the love Christ has been pouring back into me – those things I missed as a child… That’s why He placed certain people in my life… To build me up… Those things I ignore or brush off – that unworthiness again… I am worthy. I am worthy and beautiful and loved.