I Know He Watches Me

I cannot quite explain it… I can guess at the reason why… But today was a tough day for me – Allow me to rephrase that: Today was an emotional day for me. Maybe because I uncovered old wounds. I thought they had scarred over, but perhaps those were just scabs, because rubbed raw, tears flowing, I am in pain, and bleeding.

Driving alone to work, I gather the courage to ask: God, do You still love me? I see a solitary bird fly over head. In the quiet still of the car, I hear my answer, Yes. Don’t let the tears fall. Surely, it’s a fluke. Why have I never noticed a bird flying overhead while driving before? I see another bird. This one flies so close to the car. My eyes drift to the right, a power line, where there are two, resting together for my eyes to see. The tears fall.  God, do You still see me? Alone in the quiet car, I feel His presence enfold me, as though He has wrapped His loving arms around me. I see the sky above fill with six birds, flittering about. It’s cloudy, it may rain. But, I know His eye is on the sparrow. Surely, He sees me. I am comforted for the moment.

The past has a sneaky way of creeping up on you, knowing that you are down – it plans it’s hasty attack. A weaker me may have fallen – feeling sorry for myself. But, not today, not now. I am so far beyond that. I have come too far, to turn back. I have no time for distractions, when I am so close to reaching my destiny. I know how to say, No, please accept my answer while I am being kind… We don’t even have history! And, why today??

Driving to my final destination today, I was graced yet again with such a beautiful sight! The way the cotton floated all about. It was like being in a fairy tale! Then, the birds. It seemed as though each tear nearly shed, there was a bird, hovering overhead, or flittering by. Where did that come from? Where are they going? I wondered aloud. Finally reaching an underpass I saw several birds there, I was reminded: The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and are safe. As I run, run, run to His arms, and lean on His unchanging Word to sustain me, I am safe. I am healed. I am made whole. During Jesus’ ministry, after healing the woman with the issue of blood, many – just by believing, came and touched the hem of his garment, and were made whole! To have faith like that!

Yeah, today was emotional. But, I am healed, made whole! It’s alright! And you know what, I can still smile! Despite the hurt and pain, I know that God is in the midst of it all. I am grateful for the people He has placed in my life, to lift me up, to hold me, to show me love. For the natural father that didn’t call me pretty – I have a godfather and godmother (well, two sets, haha) that think I’m beautiful! Who have opened up their hearts and homes to me. I returned my godfather’s call as I was driving today, and he answered the phone, “My beautiful daughter!” And, I missed it… How did I miss it? That’s the love Christ has been pouring back into me – those things I missed as a child… That’s why He placed certain people in my life… To build me up… Those things I ignore or brush off – that unworthiness again… am worthy. I am worthy and beautiful and loved.

2 comments

  1. Very touching and eye awakening truth. God demonstrates His love and attention to us in unique and powerful ways. Continue to be encouraged and empowered through His everlasting Love.

    Liked by 1 person

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