“Sometimes we close our heart because we’re afraid of being hurt… again. But what we should fear more is not being loved & not being able to love… again. The risk of hurting is worth the reward of loving & being loved. You closed it & only you can open your heart!”
Allow me to say, I was speechless upon reading the above tweet, yesterday, from none other than my own Pastor. Talk about hitting close to home! But, not only was I speechless, I was also… convicted? You see at the risk of “protecting” myself – my heart from pain, heart ache, again, I have closed the door to feelings. When, sure this or that would be nice – it’s safer to not risk the heartache. Why? Been there, done that, wrote how many blogs about it, cried how many tears, for how many days? Heart Closed.
One thing I realized, after reading this, and looking back… My heart has been closed. Although, slowly it has been opening – maybe(?) I have hidden it away. Hidden behind being abrasive or just avoidant to cover my uncomfortableness. Why are emotions the enemy? When I typically wear my heart on my sleeve, why cover it with such foul emotions?
But, how do you open a closed heart? I suppose only God can help you do that… I woke up this morning, convicted. I felt compelled to apologize to someone whom I treated less than ideal (to put it mildly) – me and my closed heart! I have yet to apologize, I sent a message stating the need to give an apology. I pray it is received. I pray the words come, because I don’t have them! And, am I doing the right thing? (I feel sick.) How many more of these do I owe?
When I unknowingly closed my heart off, years ago, knowing that I didn’t want to hurt again. I never realized that there was a possibility that I would never be able to love again. But, I see it. I see the lack of compassion. I see the abrasive act that come much easier than a friendly gesture. I see the self-centered “I” and “me” rather than “you”. And, quite frankly, that’s just not me… So, why the flip? Why the change? Why the entitled act? This closed heart thing sure is something.
Opening the Heart. Now this, I challenge myself to do. It has to be an intentional act… Right? Well, if I intentionally closed my heart, it will probably take the jaws of life to pry that baby open! Seriously! Or prayer, God – no big deal! I will look only to the future, as my godfather told me – no more looking to the past. The Lord is preparing my heart, as He is preparing my soulmate’s heart (if that’s what He has for me) for the right time – as my godmother told me. I have only to open my closed heart – as Pastor says.
But, to Open my Heart and not Close it again… This will be the ultimate goal. Me who runs. Me who hides. Me who is often afraid. But, I am at a different stage. I found my worth. Jesus is the Romancer of my heart. And I am lovely! Closed Heart? No more!
*Original image taken by my daughter in Utah.