Love & Loss: Living in Between

I find myself swinging on the pendulum Love & Loss: Living in Between… I am not certain how I wound up here. I am happily alone – neither lonely nor longing. Yet, I am swinging on the pendulum Love & Loss: Living in Between… This feeling, I try to fight it. What triggered it? I wish I knew – a sneaky suspicion, I think I do… Have you ever been at a point, where you were moving on, you did everything necessary for your closure, yet, the closer you came to forgetting, the closer you came to letting go, something inside of you fought to hold on? What is that? Help me understand!

No longer do I want to hang in the balance, swinging to-and-fro, Love & Loss – Loss & Love, neither to stop me, neither to catch me, neither to slow me down. I just keep swinging… When will this nightmare end? When will I break free of this awful cycle? My heart, I fear, cannot take much more. I do it to myself. Yet, I cannot seem to stop this terrible ride. I am unsure what it is that I am even holding onto, to be quite honest. Besides the memories, the pain, the hurt…

Memories are such special friends, that we search our minds to recover when lose even the smallest one. For me, I find that memories have proven to be my fondest foes. At times I cannot recall what I did five minutes prior, yesterday, five years ago, or ten! Then there are the times when I remember, so vividly, that which I long to forget, and that I wish to remember, I cannot recall for the life of me (I think!)

The closer I get to whole, letting go of him, it would seem… The more I dangle Love & Loss: Living in Between… 

*Original image taken in San Sebastian, Spain

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