Listening to the messages of others, I have begun to wonder “Just who is the woman inside?” Dare I put back on the mask? Dare I try to hide? Should I be afraid of what others will think, if they really see the true me? Will they accept me? Will they want to be around me? Can they still accept me as I am?
This woman doesn’t always smile, they way they think I should. This woman isn’t always joyful as they all suppose. I am far from perfect. Sometimes my mouth – or the look on my face gets me into trouble. I know that “charity is not easily provoked,” I’m still working on that piece, because there are definitely some things that shake me to my core, and provoke me oh-so-easily! Can you still accept me as I am?
I have loved and lost, and lost and loved and still lost! So many tell me, “You’re young, you will find love again. You still have time.” As though, I do not know myself and what I will and will not allow inside. Some doors are meant to be closed… To lose again, a chance I am not willing to take. I am old enough to know better, not young enough to long… How would they feel about me, knowing me as I am?
As I am I make mistakes. As I am slip and fall. As I am have my struggles. But as I am I turn to the One, the Maker of the heavens and the earth, He holds all things in His hands, even you and me. He tells me I am worthy and wipes away my guilt and shame. He washes me, He cleanses me for His glory and tells me I’m His own. He turns my mourning into dancing, my sorrows into joy. He gives me purpose and meaning. He opens the doors that no man can even touch. For my life is not my own but His. My desires are to follow after Him and my ways are to follow after His ways.
As I am – I am a work in progress becoming who He wants me to be…