This has been a long week! I said to myself, yesterday – when it was only Tuesday. Never realizing that the week would only grow longer as I entered into Wednesday. I have no one to blame. It really hasn’t been that bad. It’s not any one thing contributing to this incredibly long week, I cannot pinpoint it to one thing. It just is… You know? And I CANNOT seem to SHAKE IT.
There are very few people, I have come to realize whom I trust enough to know me-know me. When life is beating you up, it’s hard to admit it sometimes! But, isn’t it pride that keeps us from admitting that we are having a tough time? Isn’t it pride that keeps us from reaching out for help? Ugh, foolish pride… “Pride goeth before destruction and an haughty spirit before a fall.” (That’s Proverbs 16:18 KJV) So, what is pride? There are two definitions that fit:
1 the quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance
2 the consciousness of one’s own dignity
Me, I never thought of myself as a prideful person. My self-esteem has always been rather – meh (do I really want to say low?). Well, let’s just say, I found myself landing in the second definition of pride, a lot! I am often conscious of my “dignity.” (Which even typing this I find laughable.) What is dignity?
1 the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.
2 a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect
Imagine my surprise! Is not dignity a synonym for pride?! So, this floored me completely! How many times have I said to myself, “All I have is my dignity.” Or, “At least I still have my pride.” Looking back, didn’t I fall after those thoughts? This revelation, although it is contributing to my being a better person has truly caused me to re-examine myself. As I consider the teachings of Christ and the example that He gave with His life as He walked this earth, I realized that He had neither pride nor any concern for dignity. The writings of Paul teach us how to conduct our lives in meekness and humility, with love.
For me, I need to get my pride/dignity issues in check. Sometimes I feel like I’m “supposed” to have it all together! But that’s ridiculous! Who says?! That’s my foolish pride! Whether or not I have two or ten people that I trust enough to say, I am falling apart! I don’t have to endure pain, suffering, storms alone. I can admit when I am weak. I do not always have to be strong. I am dropping this foolish pride, casting all my cares upon Him, because He cares for me.