How many ways do I have to hear His voice tell me to go this way, don’t go that way. Yet, how many times do I go that way? It’s as if my will, my way supersedes His will, His way. As if I know better. When I should know better! I do know better than that! Yet, here I stand caught between His will and the consequences of my own will.
Let God be God. One thing I have come to realize is that in my unwillingness to yield to His will, I have not allowed Christ to be God in my life – or recognized that He is indeed God over all. While Christ is Lord of all, when I force my will over His will, rather than submitting to His will in obedience, I do not allow Him to be God over all. I do not allow Him to rule over over all aspects of my life, I have only allowed Him to rule over some. Imagine King of Kings, Lord of Lord’s, Ruler of some... There I go, putting Him in a box, asserting my will over His! I should know better.
Things that He told me to let go, situations He instructed me to leave in His capable hands… Why am I still hanging on? Is it lack of trust? I know that in my hands, I will destroy things/situations – no good can come from my hands alone. I know that He will work things out just fine… I have only to be patient. Why then is it so difficult to let that thing go? Why can’t I just let God be God?
When I realized I wasn’t allowing God to be God in my life, I was immediately chastened. It was like I was blind to myself – my actions! I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t know what I was doing, if that makes sense. This morning, feeling discouraged, I received a text message, at the end of it, the sister put, “be encouraged!” I needed so desperately to hear that! I let her know and thanked her… She proceeded to tell me that she “prays for me and my family all the time, and I am special to her and to God. And I make her want to be a better person.” Let me tell you, I was moved to tears in the waiting room of the dental office! I was like, me? If you only knew my struggles! If you only knew the week I had – my downfalls, my thorns in my flesh! (Let it all out Jessy!) I didn’t let it all out. I thanked her. I was encouraged. I needed that. God puts people in our lives at the right time to say the right thing when we need it, to show His love. He never forgets us! I am so grateful that He loves me unconditionally. If His love was based on me… Well, thank God it isn’t!
Now, my heart is working on the obedience factor! This takes listening and even being intentional about obeying. It isn’t always easy to obey. But to put this filthy flesh under submission… Well, I love Him that much! Not my will, but His will be done in my life.