The Moment My Heart Stopped

Once Upon A Wish…

“______ is pregnant.”

“I don’t know what to say. Congratulations.”

He said that he was still in shock as well. They are having a girl, she’s due in November. Why did this floor me? Did I still secretly think that he and I just might end up together? I knew we weren’t meant to be… Still, this floored me. I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. Then, on a terrible day, of all days, he invites to the baby shower… I told him I bought a house. Where? In Florida? I told him where. I’m so happy you’re closer to me. Another punch in my gut, remembering the last time I saw him. I know he isn’t the one for me. A distraction. A distraction with a baby on the way. We’re just friends, (who leaned on each other when life was tough). Why does he have to text message me on my most difficult days?

Mr. Almost Perfect

“I don’t follow baseball, but I do like to go to the park.”

Okay, I admit after hearing, I don’t follow baseball, I didn’t hear anything else! I suppose the rest of the sentence was a save, sort of? I also admit, I am a work in progress. I am working on understanding the fact that people do not have the same interests as I – and that’s okay! I am working on understanding the fact that not all people enjoy sports as much as I – and that’s okay? Right? I didn’t dare ask about football!

In truth, I’m not even looking to date, or anyone in whom to be interested. But, you know how you just meet someone who is just – well, almost perfect – for you (on the surface)? I know, I know. There’s no such thing as perfect or almost perfect. I’m not that naive. I’m not looking for love. I’m not looking to date. I’m not looking for anything – Mr. Maybe, Mr. Wrong, Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now. I am perfectly content with life the way it is. I have an inkling that if I look even a little deeper, I would quickly discover that Mr. Almost Perfect is not even close to perfect for me!

Do Not Be Still My Heart

Unlike the ’80s song: Listen to your heart… I will not listen to my heart, doing that will get me into a world of trouble! I can, however, and will listen to the Lord. As He leads me and guides me I will rest in His love, His peace, His comfort. Those of you that have been with me along my blog journey any length of time are aware of my past relationships, and the hurt associated with them. I promised myself I would never ever again allow my heart to be hurt. I said I would never date, never even look at a man again! Haha! Closed my heart, shut it down! Then, there is always the past to try to knock the walls down. There are distractions here and there…

But then…

One day, my heart stopped. One day I realized I was taking on and owning some things that weren’t mine to own. I wasn’t allowing God to come in and do a complete work inside of me and truly heal me and make me whole. Then, like the woman with the issue of blood, I found myself so desperate that it was a press, to be healed, a press, to be made whole. For me it was a life or death issue! “God, if You don’t heal me right now, I won’t be able to go on. I’m ready to do things Your way. Take my burden, take my pains – but give me Your yoke! Your Word says that Your yoke is light. Give me rest! Your Word says that if I come to You – I’m weary and heavy laden – You will give me rest!” It truly was life or death in that moment. And in that moment, my heart stopped, and for the first time I truly lived! Not only did my heart stop, I received a heart transplant and His Spirit came in and became my heartbeat.

Those moments before, maybe my heart skipped a beat. Maybe they shocked me. But, the Lord – now that’s love! I am careful deciphering my distractions from my desires from what God has for me. Those things really aren’t a priority for me, or on my mind – except when I’m caught off guard. And of course there are those “Shoot Your Shot” moments. Sometimes, I would like to have my phone taken apart and I wonder why I have to leave the house… God always provides a way of escape. For now, I’m just enjoying my life as it is and trying not to assert my will over His.

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