There are challenges in life we do not understand, there are giants we must face at times. Sometimes we never know the reason. There are times we must face down our fears or adversaries. The reason? How else will we reach new levels? How else can that thing we feared the most become something not so terrifying? The monster in the closet turns out to be just a shadow of the past, and the dragon we feared was under the bed was actually a combination of our fears, shadows, and lights. What do we really have to fear?
There is something about our fears that isolates us, silences us, steals our voice. What makes us silent? What makes us ashamed to speak out, admit to our fears, admit that we need assistance – or need someone in whom to confide? Is it feeling vulnerable that we detest? Or perhaps the not knowing what others will think? But, isn’t a burden shared so much lighter?
As for me, sometimes I think my biggest fear is the fear of the unknown. A dreadful beast! I can ruin a book, by some individual’s standards, because there are times I am compelled to read the ending first. *Spoiler Alert* Yes, please! And might I add, thank you! It’s a wonder I am enjoying living my life, as it were, full of surprises, no spoilers!
But, what happens when I am caught off guard – surprised in a negative way? Do I allow that to destroy me, silence me, isolate me? I very nearly did – once upon a time, yes. Why? Guilt, shame, accepting that thing that was done to me, as though it were my thing to carry. I wonder how many people there are like me, whether they know it or not – whether they will admit to it or not? Luckily, I have realized this folly of mine, and can rectify it. No more do I have to wallow in self-pity after that thing that was done to me happened. Yes, it turned my world upside-down momentarily. Yes, I was angry. Yes, I was even hurt. Now, it’s time to get up, pick up, and move on.
As I get up. I see that thing that was done in a new light – it wasn’t even about me. Why it was done, I don’t know, and don’t intend to ever find out. After admitting to myself, first, then saying aloud what happened, processing the event has been easier – so has forgiveness. At the end of the day, isn’t it all about forgiveness? Now that I can admit to myself and those closest to me, that, yeah, I am/was afraid, I feel much better and not so alone.