Written June 15, 2018:
I discovered in me, a desire to roam free. I don’t prefer to sit still, or be confined to just any thing. My job is flexible, each day is different. I like that, I need that, I’m the happiest I have ever been! I’m not confined to a desk, nor confined to a set schedule… I have only to get my 40 hours, visits, paperwork, and filing completed between Monday and Friday.
At the current, home-life is one where I am seeking permanency. A thrilling, yet scary thing! Still, I wonder, will I be satisfied, settling down – permanently – like, for keeps?! I’m sure the right home will make it all worthwhile… But then there are my plans, my desires, my hopes, my dreams…
I have this unquenchable desire to travel! I have been bitten by the travel bug, you might say. Sadly, this year, I don’t think a trip is in my future… That makes me all the more restless.
What do I do with this restless heart of mine? I sit here on an airplane, heading to a home that no longer feels like home, I am watching the sunrise from above the clouds. I love to watch the sunrise, and sunset – but it is breathtaking above the clouds. It’s almost as if you are escaping the darkness, chasing the light… Well, I suppose it depends on the direction you are headed! I happen to be headed east. I’m chasing the light!
I am reflecting on my days leading up to today, those that have been of support – because I truly let them in, those that I didn’t allow to know, to see, to be there… Not yet… Why? Multiple reasons, I suppose. Then, those unexpected supports. That hug that came from out of the blue, that nearly sent me into a fit of tears! She has such a kind heart – for as much as she loves my children, and as kind as she is to me, I genuinely love that woman.
Look at it now, I have wanted to run because I have felt as though there is no place I belong. Granted, I still have a heart to travel. But to settle is not that bad. As I study the Word, and the children of Israel, they were condemned to live as nomads, traveling here and there, belonging no place – because of their sin they could not enter the promised land. Who wants to live life like that? Begging for the land of captivity or else traveling to and fro with no place to belong because you refuse to accept the promises of God. Have I been so foolish?
Yet, I hear the call: Wake up, wake up! You’ve slumbered enough, now is the time to wake up.
To tame this restless heart of mine…