How much of your posts are fabricated? Is that an odd question? Probably, because when you think about it, unless you are writing a fan-fiction, you are writing solely from within yourself. Whether you are writing poetry, giving a review, motivational/inspirational post, philosophical, religious, love, DIY, etc… Your post is coming from someplace within you. When you think about it does it exhilarate you, or do you feel somewhat exposed?
One thing I have learned from those I follow, great authors of the books I cherish, even as I have progressed in my own writing… Whether we call it exposure, self-disclosure, baring one’s soul – it really does not matter… We each offer a degree of transparency, we let our readers into our lives in some way or form. Silly of me to feel embarrassed. Right?
I’m guilty of the following scenario when I happen across a new blog, not sure why it causes me anxiety, when I do it too… Have you ever come across a new blog and read a post, and it was so awesome 👏 that one post turns into two, turns into ?? How many did you just read? Can’t help it. It’s just like, WOW! This person — I must follow. But then reality hits you. *Gasp* What if others do this also? It causes me to pause. I go back sometimes and reread my older posts… Oh my! I wrote that? Of course I wrote that, it’s where I was at the time. Wow, I was so candid. Or: So, confused. Better yet: What was I even thinking? And is that a typo?!
I will admit, recently I have begun to revisit my very own blogposts of yesterday. Most were gone and forgotten, as soon as they were posted. However, upon reading I had to remind myself that I write from my heart – where I am, at that very moment. But then, I had this curious thought, my posts sort of leave me exposed. I bare my soul for anyone to read. It doesn’t bother me really. Introvert in nature, so I write better than I speak. My daughter posed the question: What if you see someone you follow, or someone who follows you? “Well, I suppose it would all depend on the post(s) they have read 😊 (kidding).” (My kids are my number 1 fans, they read each blogpost before it’s posted. So, doesn’t everyone? No, my blog is introverted as well, haha)
As I read my blogposts of yesterday, I noticed a pitiful theme. A push and pull with myself, one step forward – two steps back, the struggle between God and man… Lying to myself and fooling no one but me, saying I was “letting go,” only to hold on a little tighter. Placing this or that, in God’s hands – only to keep my hands on it too. I said, “I’ll never look back,” when in all actuality, he had never left my mind… I was fooling only myself. This year, our would have been anniversary came and went, I didn’t even know it! I found out after reading a blogpost of yesterday. Last year, I stayed home. I cried. I blogged about it. Who knew healing would actually take place? I would not only forget his face, but also the day I married him… Wow! I didn’t think it could be so… I thought, I would love him forever! But, can it really be, I have moved on? Without a love interest… Only God to fulfill me. I never thought this possible… I can’t believe this has truly happened. It is the absolute best feeling in the world!
Right now I feel like I am truly living between love & loss. Not swinging back and forth, just firmly positioned. And that’s OKAY! I’m content. I am at peace in life. I don’t need a man. I have learned that God truly fulfills all of my needs. So, it took me a while to learn this lesson, but I learned it! I am living it. And, that thorn in my flesh, that crutch – well, I have had plenty of excuses (life has been a challenge at times) and even the means, but I’m totally commited to God!