What if I stumble
What if I fall?
What if I lose my step
And I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue
When my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble
And what if I fall?
DC Talk – “What If I Stumble” (Chorus)
Have you ever asked yourself “Will God still love me if ______?” Have you ever wondered if there is a point where grace no longer reached you? Once upon a time, I had these questions. I was fairly certain that I had fallen too far from grace. I was sure that I had stepped outside of the reach of God’s love. Looking back and reflecting, I see not only how wrong I was, but also how near God was to me in those moments I thought He had surely been so far away. I can now see how much He loved me and how much mercy and compassion He had for me, when I thought I had fallen outside of the reach of His grace and love.
Psalms 34:18 KJV “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.”
I have stumbled. I have fallen. I have plummeted pretty far from my idea of where I was supposed to be. I was left in my own pit of despair and broken. I have seen people leave me, I have shut people out. For the times I was knocked down by my own actions, or the actions done to me, I realize I was never alone. I have had people walk beside me when I stumbled, and help lift me up with their prayers. God is always with us. He often sends another/others to aide us.
Proverbs 17:17 KJV “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
I don’t know about you, but I am grateful for the friend I have in Jesus. He sticks closer than a brother. I am also grateful for my friends, but that’s not the premise of this post.
I was driving my daughter to school this morning, feeling a little guilty over several things: It rained this morning, and the older two walked to the bus stop! By the time I heard the rain, and dashed to the car to save them, texting to find out where they were, they had made it to the bus stop, and the bus had come! I felt guilty also, because we missed choir practice yesterday morning. I value my mornings, with my little princess. We eat breakfast, do our morning rituals together, they are lovely “Mommy & Me” moments that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Yesterday, she took a really long time, I thought she was going to be late for school! I didn’t written out our calendar yet, and she didn’t remind me. I remembered choir this morning. “Did you know you had choir?” I am working myself into a panic wondering how I can turn back time and get her to choir on Thursday morning. “Yes.” She is super chill, catches me off guard. “Did you want to go?” I’m a little calmer, not sure what’s going on. “Yes.” She is a till chill. Interesting? “Do you care that you didn’t go? Are you upset with me?” Don’t flinch, Jessy! “No, you forget sometimes.” Heart.Melting. This girl is amazing.
I stumbled. She still loves me. Let the choir teacher know I goofed, it won’t happen again. Build in my reminders EVERYWHERE!
Anyway, I was driving, feeling guilty, listening to her fave song, “Reckless Love.” I wasn’t really listening I was sort of praying, Lord help me to be a better mother. And we see this amazing rainbow! I prayed, Lord, please let the rainbow still shine when I get home so I can take a picture! And guess what? It did! He loves me! Feels so wonderful to be loved by the best. For my shortcomings, stumbles, and falls, it’s so good to know His love never fails. It’s enduring, everlasting, unending.
*Original Photo: Can you make out the rainbow?