It’s not that I tried to overhear any part of anyone’s conversation, however these are a few quotes I overheard yesterday while walking around at “Victorian Christmas” with my gal pals.
“If I knew that was the thing that would land me in divorce, would I have done it?”
To Ms. Divorcee, well, guiltily, whatever she had done, I wanted to know, her answer to her own question. Would she have done it, knowing her actions were going to lead to divorce? But, then I wished she knew the love of God and forgiveness. Whatever she did, there is forgiveness. I learned to forgive without ever receiving an apology. From my first husband, I received and apology three years later. I never expected it. He is the first to admit that he does not apologize. I also apologized. Sometimes, we have to release the debt we are holding on a person. This is truly the only way we can both live freely.
I was actually chatting with my ex-husband, early this week, seeking his advice on a situation that made me uncomfortable, it appeared to me to be all too similar to another situation that nearly destroyed me. I have admittedly been on edge ever since. His response, “I understand. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. Don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.” Best advice he could ever have given. Of course I knew this all along, I just needed to hear it. Our kiddos definitely have a wonderful father!
“I mean, I’ve been alone all this time, why should I change it now?”
For the woman that has lived alone her entire life, why change it now? I often ask myself a similar question. Well, my question may be different. Sometimes, I think when we are single, our loved ones take it hard. Alone doesn’t mean lonely. Loneliness comes in waves, at times for me. But, God is my comfort in those times. I don’t know about other singles – I wasn’t always a “single” so there are some aspects to which I cannot relate. Just like there are aspects for me they could not understand.
I’m learning that to guard your heart with all diligence is a daily task. I am also learning about my boundaries. There are just some things I don’t discuss with the opposite sex. Some things just shouldn’t be discussed, in my opinion – call me old school. I learned this about myself the other day. This is why, as a single we look to God to satisfy our every need. I was asked if I ever want or think about having intimacy, or something like that. Yes, right when you asked, I thought about it. Haha. No, it doesn’t quite work like that for me. There are times the thought crosses my mind, It would be nice if… But, I don’t dwell there.
I was questioned twice this week: Will you have another baby when you find someone? I laughed, I’m not looking. It would have to be a miracle. Then, yesterday, helping friends move to their new place, I received some unsolicited marital advice for my future. With love and respect I receive every bit of advice. I also gently reply, If it’s God’s will, I’ll pray about it. For now it isn’t on my mind. “You give so much of your heart, there’s somewhere for that giving to go. You know what I mean?” I said yes, but no, I did not know what he meant, haha!
God is my everything! He is my love, for starters. I have already written the post on how He romances me. When I think about how much He loves me, and how much I love Him… Husbands are supposed to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and vice versa! Am I able to truly love a man unconditionally, forgive him any fault just because he apologizes, no matter how big the offense? This is God’s way. Can I look on him with eyes of love when he hurt me unintentionally/intentionally? Can I forgive the offense for which no apology was given? Sometimes we have to do this. Would I become a woman/wife like Rebecca, Ruth, Esther, or Sarah? Can I stand in the gap for him and pray? When you marry, you become one flesh… This is what you are supposed to do and so much more… Could I be his help? Will I allow him to cover me? Would I submit? And, having been married, I know that marriage is work. Both parties have to be willing to put in the work and stay. Never again will I be hasty in this. I don’t pray for marriage. I don’t pray about marriage. I’m not against it. It’s only on my mind when someone brings it up… So please, don’t bring it up. I’m enjoying my life like this ❤️
Okay, I’m done ranting. My posts are never what I intend for them to become lately…
*Original Photo – I heard it said, At the end of the day, Man is dog’s best friend. ~Anon