Certainty and doubt shifting to and fro, in a power struggle in my mind. When the doubt finally recedes, and only certainty remains, this is the moment one can finally admit – the moment the heart opens.
Just what is the distance between two hearts? As a divorcée, I have always wondered… Just a couple years ago my aunt reconciled with her ex-husband. They had been apart for sixteen years… Now married again, happier than they’ve ever been, what brought them back together? How wide was their berth?
I’m not foolish enough to dream of reconciliation with either of my exes. One happily married, the other – who knows! After him, I vowed to never be with anyone else. The scars, the wounds – only God could heal. I closed myself off, hid away believing every lie I was told. But, as God has done a work in me, has been healing me, and I am opening my eyes, I come to find that I am alive, not dead inside. A rather alarming feeling. Certainty and doubt ebb and flow… Try as I may to suppress it.
If doubt recedes, and certainty’s the victor, will there be any going back? Will the doors open? Will I no longer be able to hide, but be exposed? Of this I should not worry, I can dance the dance of certainty and doubt for as long as I desire. Right? The beauty of a one-sided affection, of which you aren’t quite certain, you can hide it away and you can swallow it down. Just in case, certainty recedes and only doubt remains.