I had heard, for who knows how long, that the two words we ought not use in our vocabulary are always and never. Still, I find myself, from time to time, using never. “Never again will I go there.” “Never will I do that.” “Never will I believe that again.” “Never again will I fall in love.” Never, never, never…
I learned to never say never, because for almost all of my never’s, they have turned out to be false. Those places, yes there are more than one, I said I’d never return, I’ve returned. Those things I have fervently vowed to never do again, I have done. Those things I said I would never believe again – well, you guessed it, I believe! Never say never.
So, on top of shedding my tears in the car, I also tend to do my best thinking there (here – I’m sitting in the car right now) as well. So, there I was, driving to work this morning, singing along to the music, traffic was actually moving at a reasonable pace, so were my thoughts, when all of a sudden, I was hit! Hit with a series of events of times past. Parts of my “not so distant but distant enough” past flashed before my eyes. Hadn’t I just said, I’ll never look back again? In the same trip?
I mean, I know some people can glance at the past and move on. I tend to look back and get sucked in. So, I said I would never do it again. Wrong! Hello past, flashing before my eyes. Why are we meeting here with 4 minutes until I arrive at work? I recently have been rewatching Lost, and Jack gave himself 5 seconds for fear, then continued on… Taking the example (sort of) of a fictitious character, I allowed myself the 4 minute drive to work to pull myself together. And it worked! I had a wonderful day. I didn’t look back again – even writing this post, I’m okay!
Prior to my trip down memory lane, I had ventured into a place I promised myself to never go. However, it was not with regret or trepidation that I ventured down that road, but with a sense of expectation, like something good is on the horizon. Perhaps that is what swept me away into the past? Whatever the case, mood restored, it was a good day. I learned to never say never again.