I Didn’t Know

Sometimes I don’t always fully understand things right away – well, I do, but I don’t. Sometimes, it takes something to wake me up and help me understand. Perhaps I just wasn’t ready. Perhaps I was blind or maybe I simply didn’t know.

I recall a message at church, half a million years ago, when Danny Hood came to our church to preach a youth rally… He dressed up like a Roman Centurion and taught a message on the cross. I’ve never forgotten that message. My greatest takeaway was, each time I wronged Christ, I nailed him back on the cross. That terrified me, convicted me. I didn’t want to do that to my Savior. I love him so much! It never left me. But, of course, being human, I make mistakes. I strayed away. And, well, we all miss the mark, right?

One thing that I don’t recall if it was spoken of at all, but something that was revealed to me, before He passed away, Christ said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. If my sins nail Him back on the cross, and He forgives my sins too, wasn’t that declaration that day extended to me and you?

I was driving to work and suddenly felt overcome. Lost in my thoughts and prayers. Wondering, how do I lay it all down? How do I let go of those things that only serve to hurt me in the end? Was it a prayer or a question when I wondered aloud, Am I driving the nails into Your already nail scarred hands? Am I piercing Your side once again? When inside I felt a stirring in me as if His answer came, Father, forgive her, she didn’t know what she was doing.

His Spirit makes intercession for me, as it did back on Calvary. As memories flashed through my mind of my faults, struggles, bitterness and unforgiveness – I found myself releasing it, laying it at His feet. All the while, I felt the stirring in me, Father, forgive her, she doesn’t know what she is doing.

I knew that the cross was for me. I know that forgiveness is for me. I had not realized those simple words: Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do, extended 2000 years into the future and reached for me too.