Starting Over?

You haven’t run off and gotten married on us have you? No, not yet, haha. No one has stolen you away? What are they waiting for? Ah, haha, I don’t know…

I saw my godfather not so long ago, he reminds me, at times, of my dad. You know how dad’s see their daughters as these wonderful, beautiful people – any man would be lucky to have her! And, it’s like, well, I’m glad you think so highly of me, but in real life, it doesn’t work like that… I wouldn’t dare say that – I respect and love him too much! I will let him believe that one day, someone is going to steal me away! But in the words of the guide from the field trip the other day, there’s a slim chance and a fat chance, haha!

“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

We had a guest speaker at church, a few weeks ago. He spoke about rejection and not being afraid to start over. Talk about a big OUCH! If that one didn’t feel like it was targeted directly at yours truly… That entire week had been a struggle for me – admittedly I am still wrestling with it all. Not so much the rejection aspect, but that whole fear and starting over. I’m in no rush and I don’t even know that I will, but what if echoes in my mind.

My pastor said, I’m telling you, wait for the right one. I wanted to say, Who says I’m looking? Who says I want there to be a “right one”? But I didn’t. Would have just been me being defensive for no reason… So, speechless, I just nodded my head and swallowed hard.

But, when you have loved and lost, when you have faced rejection: when you feel even the slightest interest – it’s scary! I mean, I like to think I don’t have like trust issues and all the other stuff that goes along with having been rejected. Despite all the ick I’ve endured in this life, I still think the world is a relatively pleasant place. I still think people are inherently good. But, I suppose when it comes to certain situations I still just clam up, shut down, and build up my own little walls of defense… Not good, I know, but my heart is so special and delicate!

“When a woman is talking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes.” ―Victor Hugo

I’ve never had a poker face. My face gives away all of my thoughts and emotions. My friends, when I tell them a story, always comment, Oh, I can just imagine the look on your face! I never realize how my face looks. This is rather alarming. Thinking back, I wonder, did I play it cool, or did my face give me away?

Growing up, my mom always said, Eyes are the windows to the soul, if you let a man look you in the eye he will know everything about you. I never understood that. I think I still don’t understand it, haha! (I know nothing about the opposite sex.) I mean, I get it. I just don’t know if I buy into it… I suppose if anyone pays attention to the eyes of the person with whom they are speaking, male or female, they can learn a lot… I need to take my own advice, might learn something…

*Original Photo*