“Right now I’m examining my relationships.” A friend
I realize that I examine my relationships regularly. Because, let’s face it, there are those relationships in life that are simply not beneficial for us. Yet, we may find ourselves holding on to those relationships out of habit or whatever other lies we tell ourselves to convince ourselves that we somehow need the relationship. When in all actuality, isn’t it draining the very life out of us? Aren’t we investing more in the relationship than what is being reproduced?
I’m not at all saying to end these types of relationships… But, as I examine my relationships and come across these types of situations, I realize that something has to change. In many cases, I must do something, if I want to salvage the relationship.
There are those relationships that I realize that I need to put in more work. As well as those few fabulous relationships that are mutually nurturing. Why aren’t all relationships patterned this way?!
Some relationships just come easy, others you have to put in the work – and they are well worth the work.
I also examine because I ask myself, Am I the friend that I need to be? Am I not only taking, but also giving? And of course, the reverse. I have friendships where we can go extended periods without seeing one another, or speaking and know that our relationship is in tact. We don’t just call when we are in need, but maybe a “Hey want to grab dinner?” Or “Would you like to go to this event with me?” These are some of the most fulfilling relationships I have found that I possess. There is no pressure, there are no expectations. Just being ourselves…
You have to know who you are riding with…
I like to think I keep my small circle close, but it depends on how you define small, and how you define close. I have noticed that much like my mother, who knew no strangers, I too make acquaintances/friends wherever I go. I have long since dropped the title of introvert, I’m not even certain I can claim being an ambivert.
It’s true, I’m no open book, for all the world to know me, but for the most, if you want to know something, just ask. (Unless I’m being awkward, then we’re all at a loss, haha!)
One thing that occurred to me, and I’m sure that you have heard this in multiple ways, many times before – is to know who you surround yourself with. They say that you are the average of the five people in your circle. Take a minute to think about that. Who are the people with whom you spend your time? What are they like? Are they positive or negative? When you and your group of friends get together is it a venting session, therapy session, laughing session? Do you have a good time? Are they uplifting or do they bring you down?
My kids are at those pivotal ages, where friending is hard (two tweens and a teenager). They are discovering their identities (trying to) and where they fit, while trying to establish friendships. We moved last summer, they had to leave their friends – new neighborhood, new schools – ugh! I still feel so bad! I even thought to have them go to school from Dad’s house, so they could go back to their old schools and be with their old friends! They all declined. So, we have endured the growing pains. They all have friends and have adjusted well, it just took what felt like forever! Tears, sadness, and so many bad days…
Still, I remind them, as I remind myself, examine your relationships… Examine what kind of friend you are – be the friend you want to have. Be a friend to everyone.