So much can happen in the span of a day, if you really tune into the world around you – if you really tune into your own life even, and the lives of others. I didn’t plan to have a day any different than any other day… It just seemed to happen.
Driving to work yesterday, I thought I saw you. But then, I sometimes wonder if I see you. It couldn’t have been you. “Am I looking for you?” I asked myself. It reminded me that sometimes, we search for You in the oddest of places. We think that we so desperately need to find You, never realizing that You have been with us all along… You never leave us.
I tried to screw my head on straight.
A social media friend, daughter of a family friend, shared a heartfelt message about a son whom she and her husband recently lost. “It’s a boy! I wish I could have one day said…” Needless to say, my eyes were not dry. I recalled the babies I had lost. I recalled those whom I love who also have lost babies…
Everyone deals with these things in their own way… I had buried it away, lying to myself that it didn’t hurt – “it was for the best.” However, about a year and half to two years ago, the losses really hit me. I grieved them for the very first time. Never being able to hold them in your arms… Never being able to see their face.. No one tells you how much it hurts.
I’m blessed, of course, with my three. And ever so grateful for them! Still, all in the span of a day, I have learned that sometimes my heart still aches for the babies that are in heaven.
Tears sneak up on ya so suddenly… All in the span of a day.
At the end of the day, realizing I was still holding onto the events of yesterday, on top of today, not wanting to take them into tomorrow, I decided to let them go in full surrender to You.
Today is a new day. I feel much freer. No load on my shoulders. Not sure what today will bring, but I’m not bringing yesterday along.