My house is not going to be complete for two weeks. It is strange. I am trying to take it as “This is just a taste of the empty nest…”
“Happiness is mother and daughter time.” – Unknown
One beautiful thing that has come out of this is the value of time. I have been able, this week, to spend one-on-one time with my eldest daughter. I cannot remember the last time she and I spent one-on-one time together. As she is entering high school this year, I am constantly reflecting on her life and how quickly time passes us by.
The other morning while having breakfast together, she shared something that moved me to tears. She shared with me that, some nights she had been thinking of her dad, and lay in bed crying. So, she prayed. She prayed for God to send me someone, because she sees all these dads with their kids. They are playing baseball, and jogging with them, and just spending time, and she wishes for that too, for herself and her siblings. Then, she stopped to apologize to me, because as I have told everyone in my life, I’m content with my life as it is… I told her not to apologize, I completely understand.
Thing is, I had no idea how she and her siblings, I’m sure, felt/feel. While I spend so much of my time making excuses for their dad, because I truly believe he’s doing the best that he can. And I’m trying to do it all. It is so apparent that I just can’t. There are places I simply can’t fulfill, no matter how hard I try.
I guide my kiddos to God, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.” Psalms 27:10 KJV I pray for His comfort for them, for her, in this time… It hurts to see her hurting like this. I never realized how much she felt she was missing out, especially having a daddy, whom is not far away, whom she sees regularly.
We went to her 9th grade orientation yesterday. I am still in amazement that we have made it this far! Wasn’t it yesterday that I was walking around at 2am, deciding that I could not, would not have this baby… Only to give birth to the most beautiful baby girl 14 hours later. Now, here we are 9th grade?!
Yes, here we are, my baby doll, has blossomed into this beautiful young lady whom cares about whether her brother and sister to have a male role model with whom they can to toss a baseball or football. Who wants a father figure with whom to jog around the neighborhood. And, at the end of the day, knowing that she and her siblings are growing older and wanting to go to college, which means possibly moving out, she is concerned that mommy will be left all alone. I always reiterate, you don’t have to leave, but if you do, you can always come back home.