In The Silence

Be comfortable with the silence, I said.

You can learn a lot from watching a person, I also told him.

What is it? Is there something on my face, in my teeth? I asked when I noticed he kept staring at me.

I’m just trying to be comfortable in the silence, so I’m observing.

It wasn’t just any silence that made my son uncomfortable, I realized. It was my silence that caused discomfort.

Why does my silence concern you? I desperately needed to understand.

I worry that you are sad.

That statement held such a weight, filled with so much love that I simply cannot explain. Still, I had to ask, What will that mean to you, if I’m sad.

I’ll be sad if you’re sad.

Fighting back tears. My heart is breaking. I wasn’t at all sad, just thinking about everything on my to-do list, namely the upcoming parent-teacher conferences… Do you think that next time, if you think that I am sad, maybe you can just ask me? I wouldn’t lie to you, I’d tell you the truth, like I always do.

He seemed to think for a moment, then he agreed.

I feel so blessed to have such loving kids as these. It feels a little guilty that they are worried about my wellbeing, when I spend my time concerned about what I need to do to better support them. I hadn’t realized the depth of the love and how each one looks out for me in their own way.

My life is not so busy these days. I spend my free time with my kids. I’m able to devote myself to each of them individually, then of course we have family time always. As the picture above indicates, there is always someone looking out for you, someone praying for you, someone in your corner cheering you on… There is always someone who cares. While I spend so much time looking after them, I hadn’t realized that they have also been looking after me as well.

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