I’m sure that I’m not the only one… I can blame it on being a single-mom… I’m used to doing it all on my own, I feel as though I/we are just a burden – to accept “help” from anyone at all.
I claim to want/need help, or a break. Yet, when someone offers a reprieve, I can’t see the forest for all the trees… No, it’s okay. I can do it. I’ve got it. I can handle it. Just like everything else. Then, on with my litany, God, I can’t handle all this! I need help! All because, I have to do it all. *Please note the sarcasm in my tone.* But, don’t I?
Can anyone else relate?
This morning it all dawned on me, I could hardly bear it. How this relates, maybe you can see? I happened to see my neighbors in the most tender and beautiful scene (to me)… He stood out in the cold, and watched her drive away for work. Why did this break me? So, I began, “Okay, God, here’s the thing…” Then, the tears began.
Then, I was reminded of that trust thing. That trust thing that I like to pretend is not there. That trust thing that keeps me holding onto everything. I am so full it floods me. Again, it reminded me of how much I need to put it all in the hands of God, because I really cannot do it all on my own. I really cannot be everything. So, why do I keep trying? I try to let go, yet I find myself still holding on, for fear of the failure that just may come to be. As if mistakes aren’t permissible and if they occur, I must take the brunt of them.
Pride. It’s a pride thing. I didn’t realize I had. To come to the end of me – lose all of my pride and be who God wants me to be… Well, that’s who I’m striving to be…
Image by: Kaybee05